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[quote=Anonymous]Have three neurodivergent kids at a mainstream private. Agree that they will take kids in younger years with ASD if they are a sibling or it’s undiagnosed (because of age).

My oldest has anxiety, ADHD, mild dyslexia, and likely ASD (therapist thinks they have it but we haven’t done a neuropsych). DC is in middle school and I know of at least one other child with ASD diagnosis, and at least 1/3 of kids get extra time on testing (for various reasons). My DC accepted in K when problems were much less clear, and their school has a strong sibling preference so my other kids accepted (the youngest with a diagnosis which needs a fair amount of support). To be clear, the expectation is that the school only provides scaffolding for social situations for my child - we are expected (and do) enroll and pay for all skills building/therapy outside of school. Right now DC is having small meltdowns regularly at school, and they get a quiet place to sit to calm themselves and teachers who care and check in with them. It’s worth it to us to pay for school because the adults do step in when DC gets overly upset and helps smooth things over with classmates, and DC is generally very try happy. But I talked with DC’s teacher recently and they see DC’s behaviors as extreme compared with their peers.

My experience is my kids’ private school does a pretty good job with HFA kids and supporting them (as well as other diagnoses) but in the older grades admissions is likely looking at the kids who are already there and judging the school’s capacity to support more kids. It’s totally reasonable (if not fair) to not admit kids when they are already at capacity with existing students.

FWIW, I have only seen two kids get counseled out. In one case it was after a disastrous K year - even at the end of the year the child was having daily meltdowns and couldn’t participate in the class. In the other it took four years of poor behavior, including almost daily screaming at teachers and classmates. The school gives kids a good chance to try to make things work. 
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