Reply to H’s ADHD can’t be fixed. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did he have ADHD when you started dating him? I'm sure he did. Why do all these women suddenly once they are married and have kids, suddenly act like they can no longer deal with the mentally ill man they married? This is really bizarre to me. It seems to me that y'all just wanted someone to have kids with and once you got that covered you n longer need them.[/quote]

This is hardly worth the energy to respond, but here goes. PEOPLE CHANGE.  THINGS CHANGE.

In the last 14 years since I met my DH, my career has advanced significantly so I’m working on a greater diversity of projects and they are more complex. I also mentor the junior staff in my division so it is necessary for me to mentally track the work of other professionals as well. I’ve gone from renting a one bedroom apartment to owning (with my spouse) a 100 year old row house, which, though under 2000 sf, is still 4 times the size of the apartment we shared when we got married. We now have 2 kids and a dog. My parents, who live hundreds of miles away, are in their 80s now and in and out of hospitals, which means a couple of emergency trips per year to help. I have a painful chronic knee condition. I’m supporting, as I can, close friends dealing with major health challenges - brain tumor, heart attack, cancer, debilitating depression.

I’m intelligent and neurotypical, I have good coping skills, I don’t have a mental illness, and I am stretched way beyond my own capacity for executive functioning, because life is a lot right now, way more than it was when I met DH and when we got married.

For people who already struggle with executive functioning, normal changes in circumstances as life advances are exceptionally challenging. [/quote]

I believe you.  I’ll bet a lot of these husbands’ friends are constantly asking them “well, didn’t you notice what an insufferable, controlling B she was when you married her?”  Totally unfair to blame the victim when the spouse changes.[/quote]

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