Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I gave birth earlier than planned and reached out to my semi-estranged mom to come meet her new grandchild and care for me, and she went to a party for a grandchild she has already met thrown by parent she has already supported instead? Yep, I would know that semi-estrangement at best is the way forward, since she cares nothing for me or my child.[/quote]

That’s interesting. If I were the grandparent, trying to placate the kid who wanted me to spin on a dime and ignore everyone else’s needs in favor of theirs —I’d feel genuinely torn, but I, too, would know that semi-estrangement at best is the way forward, because the demanding child’s self-centeredness would continue to have negative impacts on relationships with and between our other family members.  I’d feel badly about not being there, especially given the new baby — but I’d resent the demanding kid’s insistence on such a small and specific time window.

I’m wondering here if the demanding sibling has a history of making very specific demands whenever the laid-back sibling makes plans. This is sad for the grandkids, who will be drawn into a problematic family dynamic. [/quote]

We get it. You aren’t interested in this grandchild; you already have at least one. Your new grandchild, innocent of all this, will know you care more about punishing others than meeting, knowing or loving them.[/quote]

No, actually you don’t “get it”.  You’re probably can’t “get it”. 
How will the innocent newborn “know” all that you’re projecting onto them? 
Seriously, I know that this is an anonymous message board, but I hope that you can get help with whatever it is that’s troubling you.  
Peace out.
[/quote]

You’re literally advocating for a distant relationship with the parent of the newborn baby. Therefore the baby will also be distant. No grandma worthy of the name would do that to a grandchild. [/quote]

You’re literally advocating for ignoring the child and grandchild who planned a celebration— to favor the one who is being manipulative. If visiting the parent of the newborn on another day creates a “distant relationship “ — so be it.  You sound very dramatic. You’re really not in charge of “worthiness” .  Lol  Whatever.  [/quote]

I completely agree with this. But the reality is that parents are unlikely to do this. They are more likely to accommodate the immature child and expect the other child to go along.[/quote]

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