Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 4th grade boy. My kid does quite a bit of this. It's horrible. I hate it. I've tried everything. He tells me that all the boys do it and that it's funny and no one takes it seriously. The saddest thing is in the carpool some of the kids will be like "I stopped playing baseball because I'm trash at it, ha ha!" I don't know what else to do at this point, it's just baked into the culture.

I've repeatedly tried to talk to my son when I see more eggregious examples of this, but he just stomps off. I'm not sure punishing him would be helpful. Hopefully they grow out of it? [/quote]

If you know your kid is doing this, I recommend you say look - it’s a no go for sports til you show us you’re cutting it out. You have two weeks to show us-work up to it or we start cutting it. I’m serious. If kids can’t meet expectations you have to say they can’t participate in the things they want to. If they aren’t going to be respectful of other kids and they won’t listen to you when you tell them to stop, they aren’t ready to participate in their activities. And they don’t go to practice, that’s how it is in our house at least. I tell them adults volunteer their time to run these things and if you aren’t going to be respectful then it’s my job to keep you home. You have two weeks to show us you are ready for somethig by actually implementing the asked for behavior. If you don’t do it, you clearly aren’t ready. And we reassess. If you just keep doing the same thing your kid knows they can keep doing the same behavior.

I’m pretty willy nilly on a lot of things, but I won’t raise a boy who treats people unkindly and doesn’t understand basic respect. It’s freaking hard out there so I’m with you pp, but I highly recommend you don’t go with just saying hope he grows out of it because he’s decided you don’t really think it’s that important when what is really more important than your kid learning how to treat others with basic kindness and respect? I mean it’s the basics. Don’t give up on it.

We just had this happen with an incident at school. And implemented this approach. We were lasered in. Told him this is fundamental in our family and your basic activities that we also love and enjoy with you are out the window if we don’t see two weeks of RESPECTFUL talk to all. Demonstrated. Walk the walk. I do not care what others are doing. Don’t give a flying hoo ha. You aren’t leaving my house, going to activities, acting like a jerk [/quote]

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