Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a parent of a 4th grade DD who had been warned about how difficult tween and teen girls were and how mean they are to each other. I was always told that boys were straightforward and easy.

It’s been shocking to see girls rally together and be supportive and kind, and to see the cruel, aggressive and constant work boys exert to establish and maintain a pecking order and their place in it. (I just wrote basically the same thing on the special needs thread and it isn’t worth rephrasing) Girl moms talked for years about relational aggression, but now I think it’s who who are really pushing the boundaries of what that can look like.

We have multiple boys at our school leaving because they’ve basically been driven out by this alpha boy nonsense. [/quote]

I agree and have seen this too. I have 2 girls and my anecdotal observation is that parents seem very quick to discipline their girls vs boys. I don’t get it. Girls (not all but most in my observation) are quick to be kept in check but parents give boys so much leeway for things like screaming,  inappropriate or mean language, being physically rough etc. It’s so dispiriting. There seems to be so much coddling of boys vs trying to make girls tough enough to handle those boys. [/quote]

Look, some of this is just parents picking their battles. I have two boys. One is naturally more compliant, and the other a bit crazy. Some people might observe me and say that I am more likely to check my compliant boy but that is only because he is already mostly in check and it takes no effort to check him on the rare occasion that he steps out of line and then he immediately corrects himself. The other boy, I really have to pick my battles. I don't have the energy to corect everything he does. So my expectations are not the same for both kids. Since most girls are more compliant than the typical boy, I can see why you would think girl parents correct more, but that is because it is easy to do so.

I don't see the boys will be boys mentality to be not caring about what boys do and allowing whatever behavior. It is more about recognizing that boys will act differently than girls and to shape them with that in mind. [/quote]

I have boys and girls. Girls are mean in other ways. Girls may be quietly mean, behind your back mean, leave you out mean. Boys may be outwardly mean.

My teen boys have a thick skin in their teens now. One more sensitive boy almost quit his sport due to unsportsmanlike behavior. Some may call it bullying or trash talking. He took a small break, tried other sports and is now better. The other son gets fired up if someone makes him feel bad. There was one humbling year at age 12 when all his friends made more competitive club teams when DS didn’t. He was newer to sport (started in upper elementary, not earlier) and was not as big as the other boys. Now he is better than the boys who made the teams over him at age 12.

Some kids are more sensitive than others. Some kids are meaner than others. [/quote]

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