Reply to Do any parents out there know their kids are the mean ones?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.[/quote]

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?[/quote]

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot.  The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are [b]even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days,[/b] though I think that word is horrifically overused.[/quote]

What would you call it - what are the signs? I am not sure what you mean but I think you are on to something.

You are right, the guys that the strong Mom is raising are typically obvious a$$hats, and I agree with traveling in groups for reasons related to vulnerability. I don't know how much of an overlap there are between the bro dude kids of Strong Mom and the rapists, I am sure there is some, but it's not complete
[/quote]

PP here. I typically reserve the word narcissist for actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'd say someone who has more narcissist traits than typical (everyone has some) but doesn't have full blown NPD just has "narcissist traits." There's a ton of inventories of those traits out there - but the basic idea is someone who shows in any way that they care about themselves more than they care about hurting others. Do we all do it sometimes? I think so. But the people you want to be around will apologize and try to make it right. The people you don't want to apologize will gaslight, diminish, and pass blame when they're caught not caring about other people. The scary ones will do that well.

These people, if they don't hold those traits in check, can easily become emotionally abusive.[/quote]

Yes. You can tell a lot about a person’s character from three things:

1. how they react when told “no”

2. how they react when told they’ve hurt someone, even if they didn’t mean to

3. how they treat people who aren’t in a position to benefit them socially: wait staff, flight attendants, nurses, or (for middle schoolers) the kids who are not in the popular group

Some kids reach this level of maturity ahead of everyone else. Some kids never reach it.[/quote]

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