Reply to DW doesn’t want my mother to move in with us.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I grew up, three generations lived under one roof. But I recognize that American majority don’t love and care for their elders. I cannot believe how many are just so nonchalant about putting your parents in a facility. [/quote]

And again, this is a completely different arrangement. I'm also an immigrant and my grandma lived with us. In fact she moved in when I was a toddler and took over the primary caregiver role (I was the youngest). She was the one who sent us, kids, to school, and was there when we got home. She did all the cooking. In multigenerational households, childrearing and household chores were/are often done by grandparents, especially grandmas. Even then, when grandma got very old, she went to live with her daughter and my mom (DIL) did nothing to care for her in her last years when she actually needed care. Now obviously times have changed completely and there are very few grandmas who do full-time childrearing. I don't know of any. My mom and MIL never did. They haven't even had grandchildren over for summers, that was common for grandparents who didn't live with parents (my DH was sent to his grandparents on countryside each summer for 3 months). So to summarize: my mom hasn't done primary childrearing, never did eldercare, and barely knows her grandkids. And you think I'll move her in? Not a chance. I'd move in my grandma who took care of me in a heartbeat though, if it was possible, and still burn a candle on her birthday every year (it's been 30 years since she passed away). At the end of the day it's about the bonds you develop. Developing bonds with your own kids and grandkids serves a long way to expect care as you age. As they say, you reap what you sow. Cultural expectations are cultural expectations, because everyone in the puzzle used to put in their share of work. You have cultures, where young women were expected to do everything they were told, but then in their old age were the matriarchs who ruled with the iron fist and catered to. You have cultures where grandmas take over primary childrearing, in return to be cared for in their old age. But there is no culture where you do nothing, live your life to yourself, and then in your old age have a Pikachu face about not getting your demands met by people who more or less see you as a stranger. You want love and care? You need to put that love and care in first. [/quote]

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