Reply to Why do people blame their siblings over parental favoritism? What is the appropriate response?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've always wondered this.  My MIL was estranged from her half-sister for YEARS because she was resentful of their father's favoritism to half-sister, long after he was deceased.  They eventually reconciled at the urging of their brother but DH and his siblings never knew their aunt growing up.

I was the oldest of 3 and, in hindsight, the sterotypical eldest daughter- responsible, did well in school, didn't get into trouble much.  I don't remember as a kid feeling like the favorite, but my younger sisters thought I was and still talk about it, especially my middle sister.  As in talks behind my back to other relatives about how it made her life so hard.  WHen I recently met her new boyfriend, he greeted me with "oh! what a pleasure to finally meet the golden child!"  :shock:   As an adult, she is the only one who lives close to my parents and they've been able to help her in ways that they can't with me because of that (e.g., petsitting, housing after college, etc.) which is great!  I don't begrudge her that at all.  But she still seems to harbor a grudge against me for perceived childhood favoritism, and I'm at a loss of how to make it up to her.  I feel like I've started to pull back on relationships with my family in general, to let her be the center and dicate family events.  But that doesn't seem right either.  ANyone BTDT?

As an aside, as a parent now it definitely makes me strive hard not to favor either kid.  It's just a crappy burden to put on everyone involved.

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Some parents show preferences among their kids. If you want to know why your sisters talk bitterly, look at how you all were treated as kids. Even the way you describe yourself as "respectable, etc" betrays your prferential treatment. I write this as a person who was favored by one parent and hated by the other. I saw my parent treat the other kids, especially the golden child" so well, lovingly and attentively while neglecting and disparaging me. I hold no grudge against them, but we are distant. My parent caused this as yours surely did, too.[/quote]

At my father's funeral, several of his acquaintances were surprised to find out that he had THREE children, since the only one they had ever heard about was my brother -- and many of the things my father had told them about my brother were patently false.  It all felt a little surreal.  Apparently to my brother it felt normal.  He kind of stepped into my dad's place, holding court and telling stories about my father.  It was literally as though we weren't even there.  Talk about a black sheep.  And my sister and I are pretty good eggs -- hard working, respectable.  People see what they want to see, I guess.[/quote]

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