Reply to What is the parenting secret of Orthodox Jewish families?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn’t grow up orthodox but another strict religion.

There seems to be something about following a religion that makes people happier and grounded.  Not all people, and yes there is abuse and women who aren’t happy.  But in general, people seemed 10000x happier than the families I encounter in my life today.

Happier people have an easier time raising kids and the kids are happier too.

My unpopular opinion is that women working FT corporate jobs make for very unhappy families, and few women in ultra religious homes are working these types of jobs. [/quote]

OP here. I think that if a culture prioritizes lots of kids then the mom has to be a homemaker for obvious reasons. But I heard from a relative who was formerly orthodox that the dads actually do a lot of hands-on work around the home. And living in a community where you have other moms around during the day is different from the isolation of secular SAHM in this area. In thinking about my own family, our healthiest time period was when the kids were little and my dad spent a lot of time doing hands-on care of kids and the house.

That said I still cannot personally imagine having that many kids! One was like excruciatingly hard for me - but I am in that culture of moms working FT and my exDH was useless at home. [/quote]

When I had my first I read an essay by a mother of ten about how “one baby” is actually the hardest stage of all. I thought it was insane. Now I have five and I understand. She was right. [/quote]

To be fair presumably you wanted 5 and your DH is a supportive parent, no? In contrast I was destroyed by 1 and had zero meaningful support then had to go back to work FT. I honestly had panic attacks thinking about having a second other than a fleeting moment when the baby was adorable and sleeping better but not yet walking. Not everyone is cut out for it! [/quote]

I didn’t go into it wanting five, and one was really really hard for me, but yes I was lucky in a lot of ways. I don’t mean to downplay your struggle or say you should have had more, just that baby 2 isn’t necessarily baby 1 all over again. IME it’s usually women who have it easier in some regard who are able to make a large family work — the regard can be supportive husband, money, naturally chill disposition, easy pregnancies, easy kids, starting young. I just think there’s something uniquely difficult about one infant. [/quote]

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