Reply to Update. Most of you were right.

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Update. Most of you were right. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Updating. As I got a lot of good advice on this thread. Also just venting. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone even DH.

But I posted this a few months ago

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1206175.page

DH and I made sure my mother knew the boundary we had in place and why and she said nothing to worry about and stopped asking. She even went out of her way to reassure us.

Less than 48 hours after baby girl was born I get a text from my brother saying congratulations. You could have told me.

I was in shock. Also less than 2 days postpartum and still in the hospital after a C-section with DH and baby. Start crying immediately and looking to see if anyone else but my mother could have posted on social Media. Nope. So I text saying she had one boundary and she couldn't even follow it. And then some. Her response was as a grandmother she had to tell them.

It hurts even more knowing she waited until baby was her and I was postpartum. This seems more cruel than just telling them when I pregnant. She also knows and acknowledges my brother as a child molester - saying well no visits but I just told him and my grandsons and he won't ever meet her.

I said a lot of things while feeling like absolute garbage that I couldn't even protect my 2 day old baby. And I should have known my mother would never change. It was my fault for thinking she could or would want to for this child if she couldn't even do it for me. I turned off my phone and saw one text saying please don't do this to me- cutting her off. And I didn't look at any other texts. Probably won't for a while.

Anyway trying to enjoy postpartum time and not think about this but I did remember so many of you saying she wouldn't change and I wish I had been more prepared - I think I was during pregnancy. But it truly feels like another level of hate to do this and tell him after she's her and I'm in the hospital.

[/quote]
I don't think it's remotely reasonable for you to think your brother would never find out that you had a child, or even that your mother  should not have told him, which we aren't sure about either- if she did  or didn't.  
Your issue is with your brother, deservedly, but you are angry at your mother for whatever she didn't do when you were young. That's the problem, but not the information about you.  I think you set an unreasonable and untenable and unenforcable mandate that could never be practiced just to give you an excuse to part ways with your Mom. And that's another thread-  you need therapy, or something ,which you either need, or have already dealt with, to deal with the abuse, and whatever she didn't do. But the information about a child being born is not really making sense. I think she was set up, so to speak. You may have a point in cutting her off, but not for this. Figure out what is your ultimate goal.

Also what is weird, why does brother still think you have a relationship, i.e.,  "You could have told me.."  Why does he think that? Does he know you have banned him from your life? Has he admitted abuse? Does his wife know? I mean, if not, she does need to know. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics