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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you actually want? “Her to want it” is probably not achievable, at least not in the short term. Her to think it’s a problem that she doesn’t want it? [b]Her to do it even if she doesn’t want it?[/b][/quote]

- the OP already clarified his wife does engage in s*x with him.  But she has never ever had an “O” and it sounds like maybe the only reason she submits to it is she knows it’s normal for married couples and she wants to make him happy.

OP is concerned with her happiness / satisfaction.  Why are some of you trying to make him out as the bad guy here?  Is it because maybe you hate all men or something?

To me, it just sounds like a long-term sexual mismatch.  And remember, plenty of women on DCUM complain about disinterested husbands.  This issue can and does go both ways you know.[/quote]

I don’t hate all men.  It just seems odd to me.

Like, I know that my husband doesn’t like to do cutesy stuff with the kids.  He only does the Easter egg hunts and pumpkin patch because he knows it’s normal for a husband to accompany his wife and children, and he wants to make me happy.  And that’s enough.  I see other men taking videos at their daughter’s ballet recital or see my neighbor make an elaborate obstacle courses for the kids in his backyard, and I get a little jealous.  But that isn’t who I married.

It would be totally inappropriate for me to ask how to make DH *want* to hide Easter eggs this year or to ask him about his fantasies of a perfect Easter Sunday.  He doesn’t have any.  He doesn’t have a secret Pinterest board that he’s keeping from me.  Just like OP’s wife doesn’t have some secret fantasy or porn stash that she’s hiding from him.  It’s ridiculous for me to harass him about what he wants to do for Easter, and doubly ridiculous to pretend that I’m doing this for HIS pleasure and happiness.  He will go along with whatever I want to do and be a good sport about it, and that’s enough.  
[/quote]

Generously to OP, sex seems like a more fundamental part of life than cute kid stuff. It’s arguably more like if you were married to someone who didn’t ever want to ANYTHING with your kids and was just doing it to make you happy. That would be a bummer! Part of the joy of things is sharing them with people you love, and it’s reasonable to want to be able to do that. But if that hasn’t been OP’s wife for twenty years it’s not going to be her now either, so. [/quote]

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