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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling.  I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue.  The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.  [/quote]

Threatening divorce is abusive. I divorced my ex-husband for that eventually. He had plenty of warnings to stop doing it. [/quote]

Most people, myself included, don’t threaten divorce lightly. It comes after years of unresolved conflict which leads to resentment and destroys goodwill. The only reason it was a threat and not an actual service of divorce papers was putting the kids first. If we had enough goodwill that I cared if it was an “abusive” act, then it never would have gotten to that point in the first place. If the kids were out of the house, it would’ve been an easy decision to divorce without the need for threats. [/quote]

Framing it this way takes away your agency. You always have the choice to live your values and treat other people, even lousy cheating spouses, with dignity. Or really, what this kind of situation teaches you is what your values truly are. You believe conducting yourself with integrity is dependent on how other people treat you first. It's a transactional mindset, and it means you're going to find yourself in transactional relationships. [/quote]

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