Reply to Boyfriend wants to control me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him. [/quote]

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent. [/quote]

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control. [/quote]

And she agreed to it. A grown woman. [/quote]

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit. [/quote]

So the lesson is here, pay for your own shit if you don't want to be controlled. Don't agree to a sweet deal only to cry a month later how he is "controlling" you.[/quote]

I mean my grandma was a SAHM but my granddad didn't control her to this extent.  That's not normal at all.[/quote]

To WHAT extent? She agreed to this deal and he is simply asking to discuss finances. That is a far cry from abuse. [/quote]

He isn't discussing, he is dictating.   Big difference.[/quote]

What dictation? He criticized her spending. He didn’t order her to stop it.

I agree this is a passive aggressive way of expressing resentment about the terms of the arrangement. Some groceries and the like is not equivalent of rent.

OP should suggest a financial reset and insist on paying half the rent and bills (or whatever proportion is right for any income differential).[/quote]

Perhaps he didn't know just how much she spends on frivolous things every month, but after a month of living together he is finally realizing. So he is trying to feel out the situation and plan for his future with her. There is nothing wrong with asking questions about things that financially impact him too. And the things that she spends money on may be important to her but they are a waste of time so calling them that is not controlling or abusive. [/quote]

And he's also realizing that by paying for all the rent and housing costs, he is enabling her to spend on things he disagrees with.  There is probably a compromise to be found through good communication.  [/quote]

That’s the whole point - he thinks the fact that he pressured her into not paying rent now means he gets to weigh in on all of her financies. [/quote]

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