Reply to Explain to me your thought process (parents) with being highly competitive with your swimmer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I understand that the DMV is very competitive - parents here hire tutors for everything, take prep classes for every standardize test, get private coaching, specialized sport camps, etc. On the academic front it makes sense, you want your kid to understand/know material, succeed, do well in college, etc.  But I am having a tougher time understanding the same mentality with sports and swim in particular (where it is not subjective but time based with motivational standard to show where a swimmer falls in speed/talent).

We know some families that spend a lot of resources on private coaching and camps every year for their swimmers.  They push the head coach to focus on their swimmers' needs.  The kids are good (mostly AA times and some AAA times) although the one it very much appears is peaking and being surpassed by peers that have not swam as long. They used to have a lot of success because of all the private instruction at a very young age.  Now their peers are reaching the same skill level. You see the kid cry a lot with the parents, and it very much appears the parents are VERY hard on the swimmers and coaching their swimmers a lot (not swimmers themselves). It has been overheard the constant critiques about what the swimmer did wrong in the water.

I want to understand this parent.  Is the goal to have a D1 swimmer?  The scholarship money in no way equals the resources spent to perfect the strokes since the swimmer was 8.  Is playing a sport in college that important to lifelong success?

Do you think you have an Olympian on your hand and this could be a life long career?  I don't understand it.  Do you not realize that they could burn out, hate it, opt to quit because of the pressure?  Or they will be done in high school or college and never swim again?

What does this parent think swimming for their child means?  [b]It very much appears the parent is "living" through their child since they were not swimmers themselves.[/b]  I guess I really and truly do not understand what the thought process is here.

[/quote]

There is definitely a lot of this, and the line between being supportive and crazy can be thin. I have two kids that swim. If they were as passionate about debate team, math Olympiad, science Olympiad, academic decathlon, robotics, or any kind of academic competition, I would find it very hard if not impossible, to be a fearsome obsessive parent, because those were my passions at that age.

Fortunately, they are not, so I am now a swim parent who supports, but leaves it up to the coaches and the kids. I do really enjoy the math and strategy in swimming - the splits, trying to swim negative splits, counting strokes, timing breakouts, strategizing points at high school meets - I find those things so fun to learn about, and my kids do as well.

Do I try to find ways for my kids to succeed in swim? Yes, I do. If they want to go to camp, or need a ride to morning practice, I will oblige. It’s important for them to see the value of hard work and mental focus, and while I learned the lesson through academic competition, there’s something about the combination of physical exertion, the thrill of racing, and the absolute clarity of what to do in a single moment, that just works for both of my kids.

I think the question of how competitive swim parents are really boils down to what their expectations are and how they react to their kids. My kids skip practice when they have a test the next day or if they just want a day off. I have hopes but not expectations of time cuts or meet qualifications, and I have never spoken harshly or even been tempted to speak harshly to my kids or anyone else about their  swimming performance. I will certainly scold them for not cleaning up their space after a swim meet, but not about swimming. My kids tell me about other kids whose parents yell at them after a bad race or force them to go to practice and that sounds miserable. School is mandatory. Swimming is not. [/quote]

Also a swim parent here.  I think that the crazy competitive pressure goes well beyond the pool and have personal experience with it.

My daughter has friends on other swim teams in the area and one club in particular seems to foster a very unhealthy competitive drive.  The kids are 10u and are swimming 4 days a week with private lessons (at least one a week).  The children access other competitors’ times in meet mobile and are then rudely speaking down to people in their same age group at their own club and at other clubs.  It’s disheartening and comes from the parents.  These are 10 year olds!!  While yes they have AAA times they are children.  Parents are giving their kids access to this data to arm them against other peers.

I played D1 sports in college and know a lot about competitive drive, but at some point you have to wonder what are we doing to our youth?  Constantly comparing themselves to others is not fair to either child and rubbing times in other people’s faces is unhealthy.

Some people don’t have the time or money for all of the private lessons, the cross training etc etc.  and if you do, great.  Speak to your children about being good people rather than bullies.  So much of the competitive drive that gets passed down to these children seems to turn toxic when kids are dealing with peers.  They repeat the craziness that they hear in their homes from their Type A parents.[/quote]

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