Reply to Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really rather him just leave me.

He probably is having an affair despite denying it.  I just don’t get it.

He can go and be happy with wherever.  I’ll be fine.

But he cannot do this to our kids.  This is the man who would turn down buddy trips to take his kids camping.

Who is this man? [/quote]

I told my ex that he could leave and I meant it. And I didn’t say it in a shrill historical tone. I sat him down, and I said sometimes feelings in relationships change. You may decide you want another choice in your life, but I also need to understand the situation so I can make my own choices. I think you are seeing someone else and it is not fair to make me live this way. I will be fine and we can separate. But I need to understand what’s happening here.

He lied through his teeth until I found the text messages.

I don’t know OP. Why do they do this? It’s one thing to have the affair, it’s another to deny someone else choices in life while they explore whatever fantasy is happening. It was a level of selfishness that made me understand that no matter what happened, he’d leave if things got too tough (me getting sick later in life for example). I could have recovered from the affair. The willingness to keep me in a painful place while he continued the affair was as another story. I left, and to this day he asks me to come back. Some people truly cannot comprehend that some mistakes can’t be undone. [/quote]

Yes.  I’ve been incredibly calm when sitting him down and discussing divorce.

I’ve told him I understand.  I love him but what’s happening now doesn’t work.  I need him in a better space so he can be a present parent.  He goes on and on about how much he loves me and everything is fine and then nothing changes.  He gets more angry and distant from me.  He pushes the kids away.

I stopped trying to connect.  Every attempt is met with contempt.

But I do want him to treat our children with decency.  If he needs to be in another relationship to do that so be it.

I have a great paying job.  Wonderful friends.  Close & supportive friends and will be fine. [/quote]

YOU HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER HIS PARENTING

Your intense focus on it is also harming your kids.

Drop the rope and get a lawyer. Model resilience for kids. People don’t always give us what we want.

Show them fine. Stop chasing this asshat and empowering his behavior. Just move on.
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