Reply to That “done” feeling- how long can it last?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "That “done” feeling- how long can it last?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  To answer the question of what he did that was so bad.  The reason I don’t post what he did was because he had a very real anger problem and the responses on this forum to any post about male anger devolve into “oh my god how did you marry someone like that?” or “I would be out the door” or “how could you have children with someone who treated you like that?” or “oh my god leave now he’s going to start hitting you.”

But that’s not where we are.  There’s no physical safety issue, nobody’s out of control, if he has an outburst it’s an anomaly borne out of stress.  He’s learned to cope with his anxiety or whatever led him to behave that way.

At one point, in counseling, he admitted that he would do things like yell at me or embarrass me in a store just because he could, because he knew I loved him and whatever he did, there would never be a consequence.  And the marriage counselor told him, well, you’re in marriage counseling and your marriage may end over this so are those enough consequences for you?  And to her that was a big moment for him to admit that but for me, I just thought “this dumb *******.”

On top of this he was also really, really mean, for many years.  He didn’t want to ever have sex, belittled me, made fun of me in front of friends, and then would say that he was “joking” and I was “way too sensitive.”  And just as suddenly he turned it around and became Mr. Nice Guy.  It’s all made me feel very crazy.

And that’s just where I am.  I do love him, and I can see how happy he makes our kids, but inside I sort of want to move on.  Once in awhile, like a pp says, I see “flashes” of that old person.  Other than changing his behavior, I’ve never felt contrition from him, but I don’t even know what I am looking for in that respect so maybe that is not fair.

Thank you to all the posters.  This has helped me, a lot, all of the viewpoints.  I feel much better and I have a lot to think about.[/quote]

This isn't a midlife crisis or a situation where you're in the thick of it with children, work, aging parents - you married an a-hole. It's no surprise your brain doesn't want to continue to be with him. I'm glad things have changed for the better, but now that you're not facing imminent verbal abuse you are able to process what happened and you're having the reaction to it, which is your brain telling you to get away from this person. It may pass, it may not. I would suggest you be in individual therapy. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics