Reply to How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202302/how-siblings-contribute-to-the-good-life?amp[/quote]
Hmm. Good relationships with siblings can help well-being, bad relationships with siblings can hurt well-being. Truly enlightening.[/quote]

It is. Far more attention has been paid to parent child relationships, but children spend more time with their siblings than their parents and our siblings are with us throughout our life course while our parents are not. Having good relationships with siblings as a young adult is more predictive of emotional well being than good relationships with parents. It’s on parents to foster positive, healthy relationships between their children, but when that happens the results are powerful.

The comments about having a better relationship seem desperate. It’s different, but not better or worse. Also, many of us with more than one child learn so much through the experience of parenting children with different temperaments and personalities and many of us believe that makes us better parents to all of our children. [/quote]

No one has said they have a better relationship with their only. They have said they have a *specific* relationship with their only, which they like, and they know that relationship would be different (not necessarily worse, just different) if they had more kids.

Some of you are obsessed with trying to rank family sizes and it's pointless. Mamy people don't even get to pick -- they have secondary fertility issues or they have twins or other multiples and fate chooses for them. Honestly, we're all lucky to have kids at all and insisting that your family is better because you have more than one sounds incredibly myopic to me. You learned something from parenting kids with different temperaments, another mom will learn something from parenting and only. Stop putting down others to elevate yourself. Just stop.[/quote]

She specifically said less special, that is what people are responding to, because it’s antagonistic and rude (and false)[/quote]

She was speaking to her own experience and her own decision to stick with one, not the universal experience of all mothers. That's allowed. She felt that having another could make that relationship feel less special so she stuck with one. There is no way to prove or disprove that without some kind of parallel universe or time travel situation. She followed her gut and it worked out for her.

I do not understand why so many people have *freaked out* as a result. If you have more than one kid and feel you relationship with your kids is as good or better as a result of having more, then that's your experience and you made the right choice for you. End of story. What someone else does in their own life doesn't change that.

OP sounds like she's leaning towards sticking with one, but she'll have to base that decision on what resonates most with her. I suspect many happy parents of only children feel similarly to the PP who values what she thinks is a unique relationship, so that perspective might be of value to someone who is presently thinking they might be one and done.[/quote]

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