Reply to Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is so hard about:

1) of course hiring childcare doesn't make you a bad parent

And

2) don't share every detail of your childcare arrangement at work [b]because people have different resources and, for example, a night nurse will be viewed by most as a luxury
[/b]
And

3) the opinion of some random coworker who doesn't even have kids is irrelevant here and to be completely disregarded [/quote]

And yet if she rolls up to work in a brand new car or goes to Bali or buys a $4M house in McLean to be in a good school pyramid no one will bat an eye, and on the $4M they’ll say how great it is she’s making and investment in her kid.

So maybe consider why not risking your life and your baby’s life by being sleep deprived is such a “luxury” you shouldn’t mention it to coworkers. Good grief. 
[/quote]

Uh, if she "rolls up" to work in some super expensive car or does any of those other things and then talks about it extensively at work, people will 100% judge her for failing to recognize that different people have different resources and not everyone can afford to vacation in Bali or spend $4m on a house in McLean.

If you truly believe that not having both a day and night nanny during the postpartum period is[b] "risking the life" of the mother and baby, they I highly suggest you get to work addressing that need for the 99% of the population who cannot afford. I[/b]ncluding me, by the way. I had severe PPD and no family help due to a health crisis in my family (cancer) and I didn't have any nannies during maternity leave at all. Am I supposed to sit in the break room and listen to OP drone on about how her night nurse was essential and everyone should have one without rolling my damn eyes at her privileged tone deaf a$$. No thank you.

Get a night nurse, don't get a night nurse. Don't expect people you barely know to fall all over themselves congratulating you on having a significantly more privileged position than the vast majority of mothers in this country. [/quote]

Thanks for that guidance I have in fact been working with our benefits providers to make sure my staff get overnight care stipends as part of maternity coverage. So far it’s not much (we cover about $100/ night) but it’s not nothing and yes I believe this would absolutely save lives if it were more wildly available.

You know what helps no one? Dumping on people—especially women, especially new mothers— for taking care of their needs. Maybe consider not being part of the problem. [/quote]

[b]No one is dumping on OP or any woman for taking care of her needs[/b]. What we are saying is that you have to be aware that in the year 2025 in the United States of America, having two nannies during your maternity leave is wildly more than the vast majority of women have and think about that before explaining, in detail, your situation to random people you work with. OP is FINE -- she has the care she needs and will be able to sleep well in her post partum time and will not have to worry about caring for her toddler as she's recovering from birth and trying to bond with her baby. But in addition to this, she needs all her coworkers to reassure her it's okay? Grow up. Other people have bigger problems than this, like figuring out how to afford childcare at all.

And look at you, actually advocating for this care and it still only covers half what this service costs at a minimum? So that's how out of reach this is for most people. If your staff can afford to make up the difference of $100 or more per night to get this service, then they are already quite well off. And if they can't then the extra benefits don't help them.

I'm not shaming anyone for hiring a night nurse. I'm saying if you are fortunate enough to do this, think twice before telling bunch of other women how great it is because most of them are going to think "well yeah, duh, sounds good but no way in hell are we going to be able to afford this, why is this rich lady prattling on about her rich person crap over there?"[/quote]

In this thread alone, mothers have been accused of not meeting their children’s needs if they choose to have someone else make them breakfast, OP was called a bad parent multiple times, and you think talking about getting postpartum support at work should be taboo (golf can still be discussed right? Even though it helps no one, harms the environment, and is only for the wealthy?)

So yes, you’re doing plenty of dumping.
I’m sorry you didn’t have support— truly I am sorry; I had a baby in COVID and that baby was cared for exclusively by myself and my husband. But you’re only hurting others and you are helping no one but yourself in whatever gratification you get yelling at new mothers online. 
[/quote]

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