Reply to 10+ years into “settling”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ I think when you have that it is possible to get through something like a midlife affair—but when you didn’t have it and “settled” it’s harder. I also think a lot of women that cheat are ones that settled and are looking for exit affairs which isn’t the same motive as men. [/quote]
This is interesting. I’m one of those who settled and have never had an emotional connection/love with DH. I would not care in the slightest if he cheated, it wouldn’t break my heart because I’m not emotionally connected to him. [/quote]

It is gut wrenching. Absolutely traumatic when you had a deep love and good marriage.  [/quote]
But if you have a deep love, don’t you accept your partner with all of their flaws and weaknesses and feel happy whenever they are happy? [/quote]

Don’t be a stupid a-hole. In my case- it was a train wreck of a mental breakdown—not happiness. Drinking, cheating, spiral.  So no- when they were cheating they were a miserable person and the guilt and lies took them down hard. [/quote]
I'm sorry. It sounds similar to the situation with parents - if a person had a close and loving relationship with a parent, they grieve their loss for years and years, and it hurts so much. If there was no close connection, it was painful when a parent was alive but not so much grief after they pass away.[/quote]

Exactly. And the ones w/out that love/emotional bond trivialize the person’s pain.  They can’t understand it, not having lived it.  You see it with these women that don’t like their husbands/settled and just assume the wife won’t care “it’s just sex”. They wish their spouses would cheat because they don’t even like them- they settled. [/quote]

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