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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorced 2 years ago after a very long marriage. My exH was always a screaming, uninvolved father with our only son. Some incidents included physical and verbal abuse, throwing him out of the house (on his 50% custody time) in winter after an argument. I was always the buffer between them two during the marriage but it would often cause contempt and further abuse. He also cheated on me with a work colleague for 5 years (an older woman). I filed for divorce when our son was in HS and was able to negotiate that dad pays for college. The divorce was acrimonious, as we were business partners and exH was not accepting my divorce paperwork for a long time. He didn't want the divorce and got ballistic when I filed.  I walked out with less than half, but financially stable. I work.

ExH retained the marital house: as I was leaving the doorway and the movers were helping, he literally screamed "get out of my house!" in front of the son. After the divorce their relationship got way worse: exH said he wouldn't pay for college unless our son spends 50% with him. But on his time they would just argue all the time. Son now can compare his dad with other, better dads who visit his roommates on campus, and hates him even more. He was struggling with depression and substances abuse, but attends a good college and now seems to be doing better (I'm taking him to therapists).

Soon after the divorce dad broke up with his workplace older AP and is now dating a new woman: late 30s lady from Eastern Europe with 2 kids, 20 years younger than him. They don't live together (yet). According to divorce degree, our son should be splitting time 50/50 between parents.  Recently, exH started imposing attendance of joint events with the lady on our son: Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. He never tells about the events in advance, it drops on our son's head while he's already at dad's place. Today they had a terrible argument because son doesn't want to attend the Christmas dinner with her at home. The divorce is still very fresh for him, and it's a family home where he lived with mom. My son is asking if he can spend Christmas with me instead.

I spoke to him and advised not to anger dad: this woman with 2 kids is not the worst option, better than someone never married. She has nothing to do with marriage fallout. Its better for my own financial well-being and is in my son's long term interests to maintain a good relationship with dad. Dad is all about the shiny facade in front of his social circle: he's well connected and was helping our son to get internships etc. I don't want complications with paying for college, deal courts again etc., as my exH easily becomes ballistic. I've moved on and don't care about exH's girlfriends as long as they don't birth more children.

Son still doesn't want to see her, because he feels it's really fake: dad and that woman pretending nothing had happened. Her coming to home where there were so many tears and abuse, eating at wooden table that his mom restored 6 years ago. Dad just told him he could get out of the house if he doesn't want to attend the dinner with GF). My son is very upset, and is plotting to have a big "tell all" that evening how dad was beating him etc. I am begging him not to argue with her or dad, and remain silent. Such a drama!

What shall I do? Allow my son to spend Christmas with me this year (risking to anger my exH and become sole provider to son during college), or try to persuade him to formally attend, eat well and go back to his room? [/quote]

Well, if you are a troll, I give you an A for effort. Great story.

My genuine reaction is Holy $h!t lady. Your son is an adult. You are divorced from your ex. Cut all ties, figure out another path for college, and stop living under your ex's thumb.  [/quote]

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