Reply to Do you talk to your teens immediately after big events, i.e. Homecoming after-party?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always wait up--my twins are now 18 (seniors in high school with a fall birthday).  
I hold a 12 midnight curfew but what they do before then is their business--I don't need to know where they are.

Neither are big drinkers.  My son got drunk once at 16.  It was quite obvious.  Teens (especially young ones) are not great at hiding intoxication.   He hasn't been drunk since.  My daughter (twins sister) has never been drunk.

We're fine with occasional teen drinking.  I grew up in a super strict community (strict parents, religious school, etc).  Everyone just lied and hid things from their parents.  It was insane what went on.  I would rather have things out in the open.  [/quote]

Yep - the strictest parents have the sneakiest kids. And the kids just tell them nothing.[/quote]

The kids who are drinking and doing drugs have two categories of parents:
1. The parents who openly allow it and/or enable it even (provide the alcohol, the party busses, the party house, etc.)
2. The parents who are so self absorbed with their own lives that they are too checked out to even realize what is happening or care.

It's not the kids of the parents setting boundaries and checking up on the kids and their friends. [/quote]

I think that’s a pretty optimistic or naive view to think that setting boundaries and checking up on kids and their friends is enough to keep kids from drinking or doing drugs. It’s not just “bad parents have bad kids.” Believe it or not, good parents can have kids who do those things.

[/quote]

NP.  There is a third category.

3.  Parents who know what their kids are doing and pay attention and do things to mitigate risks and keep lines of communication open.  I would say this is more parents who accept casual drinking in high school where it is not problematic for the kid and doesn't interfere with responsibilities and isn't super excessive.

I know a lot of people in this bucket.  I don't think they're good or bad.  It's an approach to parenting.  My teen isn't quite there yet so not sure what bucket I'm even in.  Just seen this 3 category a lot with friends with older kids.[/quote]

Yes, I see this too with parents of seniors and some older juniors. But at 15? No way[/quote]

Yes, same poster back and I agree.  This 3 bucket fought it hard freshman/sophomore year and then it's a slow acceptance junior and senior year.[/quote]

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