Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous]The thing that can be frustrating as the non-ADHD spouse is the lack of accountability. When ADHD is the explanation for a lot if these behaviors there can be a tendency to make it a get out if jail free card for all kinds of harmful and hurtful behaviors. And being in a marriage where you are accountable for your behavior but your partner is not doesn't work.

I think often people with ADHD are fighting stigma or self-defeating thinking around it so they will adopt the idea that they should not have to apologize  or feel bad for any behavior related to their ADHD. But that's not it. I don't expect my spouse to apologize for his ADHD, but I do expect him to be accountable for harmful behaviors even if the explanation is ADHD. Like he can't just dump all the childcare or admin on me and then shrug "ADHD" and expect me to be fine. He can't blame time blindness for him abandoning me for hours with no warning or not showing up to an important event for our kids.

This is the problem with "it's ADHD, you have to have empathy." I get it and I do have empathy. But this diagnosis cannot just mean that everyone around the person with ADHD suffers in silence. You are still accountable for how your actions impact others even if I understand you have a harder time acting in ways without these negative externalities.
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