Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"I just don't get the mentality. Is it an assumption that I'll just do it? Or weaponized incompetence or like - what is benefit to dh of being like this? I do not understand."

You know he has it and takes meds. Yet you choose not to understand. By understand I don't mean tolerate. It is frustrating and spouses frequently insist that their ADHD family members work harder at EF and establish better safety rails for themselves so they make fewer administrative mistakes. You are right to do that.

But to assume he bears ill will or is being "intentional" in his mistakes goes beyond not understanding how he is impacted by his disability. You are looking for a character flaw that you can weaponize so you don't feel bad dumping him for having a disability.

It isn't 'intentional' -- ironically, following through on intentions is literally the hard part. There is no benefit to him. The toll these administrative mistake stake on a person with ADHD is harsh and real. To cope, some people have to learn to recognize that the consequences aren't dire and learn to roll with it. If it is dire to you, that too can be very frustrating, because it seems he doesn't care, but the alternative for him is depression and crippling anxiety.

The PPs are right that he needs to focus on creating better EF supports for himself at home so he can pull his weight. He can pull his weight, and needs to do the work to get there. You can point out to him that he has failed to work on EF supports at home.[/quote]

or she can just divorce him.

if you are so disabled you cannot handle adult life, do not get married. [/quote]

Indeed. There is a very high divorce rate amongst ASD and untreated ADHD individuals [/quote]

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