Reply to Blended Family Expenses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Out of curiosity, what is a fair amount for him to contribute to housing and kids' expenses?  Is it 50/50?   Hold firm on whatever amount is fair.  When he asks you to pay his "fair share" of the bills, the answer is NFW.   Period.  Do not vacillate.  Tell him you're broke, too, and you don't have any liquidity to cover his share.  Contributing to your 401k and your kids' 529 plans is a good way to make yourself broke.

I went through a version of this in my marriage, but the facts are slightly different. When we first married, he wanted me to stop contributing to my 401k to have more money for his older kids for non-essential expenses.   My response was a very, very hard no.  I was ready to walk away because I was so upset that he even suggested I stop saving for retirement.

When we had kids together, he didn't want me to save any portion of my income to their 529 plans.  Again, it was an older kid issue related to non-essential expenses (meaning it was not coming from their college tuition - more like spring break trips, cars, phone bills, summer backpacking trips, and new skis). Over the years, my income had gone up, and I could afford to save in my 401k and their 529 plans and cover my share of our family's shared expenses.  The answer was, once again, NFW, and I found myself again considering divorce over it.   In our case, I make a good income, but not enough to cash flow to their college someday.  He makes an even higher income, but he'll likely want to retire when our shared children are in college.  I plan to retire whenever he retires.  All these facts lead to why I would not budge on funding our kids' 529 plans.  I did the math, and if we got divorced, he would have to pay me a hefty amount of child support, so there was no version of married or divorced life where I couldn't afford to fund their 529 plans.  This became a firm boundary.  It's still a touchy subject, but I feel strongly about my position.  I've compromised on many other blended family matters in our marriage.   
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Good for you! You made good choices that you would not be able to correct later (due to time) if you did not make them.👍[/quote]

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