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[quote=Anonymous]Man here.

I don’t see anything ridiculous in her spending. A few items like the gym, clothes and the coffee might be high, but only at the margins, but it doesn’t strike me as over the top. These are areas perhaps could be negotiated if you’re actually trying to create a budget and you are able to discuss this in good faith. It’s valid to look at all of your (combined) and figure out what can be tightened. The issue is she is spending a bit carefree, not carelessly, IMO.

When my DW and I had the conversation, I had to also reckon with my own spending. My weaknesses were buying lunch at the office most days when I could have brought it from home, alcohol— it was, ahem, sobering to look at what we were spending on beer, wine and bourbon. And I had a hobby I was in denial about how much I was spending on it.

Now I spend less on on booze and hobby and am more deliberate about packing a lunch. She has stopped buying stuff online, since that was a source of impulse shopping. We set budgets for clothing for ourselves and the kids and only shop sales a few times a year, etc.

You have to be on the same page and not accuse for this to work. Tread lightly.

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