Reply to How much money would your spouse/significant other have to make in order for you to stay home?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a particularly poignant question for me. I quit work almost 3 years ago to SAH. My husband makes $300k minimum but can earn more than double that in a good year. We had 1 child in private school (plus a 3 year old and a 1 year old) but we have a lot saved up for their education so that was not really an issue. I used to earn just under $200k.
I loved staying home, but what I really did not expect was how much the dynamics of our relationship would change. My husband suddenly became very controlling. From being a decent earner myself and quite independent, he made me feel like I was just another drain on “his” resources.  After almost 15 years of marriage I saw a side to him I had never seen before – angry and controlling and taking every opportunity to belittle me. There was a great deal of tension and the kids started to sense it. My oldest would worry and fret whenever we had to replace something she had outgrown – will daddy be angry? Don’t worry mommy, I’ll just use these for a little longer (even though I could see they were way too tight/small). I watched every penny and became very anxious and stressed. Yet my husband would freely spend money on lavish dinners out. He was even considering buying a sports car (though he never did). I became more and more resentful and no longer felt like his equal. I was suffering, my kids were suffering.  It became an untenable situation.
Fortunately, my employers took me back on a higher salary than when I left – someone in my team recently left. I started last week.  I have arranged a flexed schedule – starting early so that I can pick the kids up from school. I do feel a sense of sadness that I am not home anymore and the flexibility that afforded me to be with my kids whenever I wanted to. I worry about the summer which was the best time for us spending time together but I will never again give up my income.
Now I just have to deal with my marriage – I feel a lot of resentment towards my husband.
P.S. I know most husbands are not like mine - he is a special breed – so I am not tarring them all with the same brush. This has just been my experience.
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You need to go to councelng. If you have the means to stay home and want to and he is power tripping but still spending like crazy, you have major issues in your marriage.  Honestly, a councelor  would do you both good and get to the root of your problems.  [/quote]

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