Reply to If more women are going for sperm donor kids, will men similarly turn to surrogates?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If more women are going for sperm donor kids, will men similarly turn to surrogates?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No.  (Straight) Men who are the type to actually put in the work and be hands-on parents are going to be able to find someone to have kids with.  The difference is the men who want kids and a wife but don’t want to have to pull a second shift may not be able to find someone but they also won’t be willing to spend the money and time to parent solo.[/quote]

They will still be able to find women to have babies with because they will lie about their interest and their willingness to do the work, as they have always done.  [/quote]

Well women lie about their interest and willingness to have sex after marriage, as they have always done, so this is fair enough.[/quote]

Do you think this may be connected to the fact that after marriage and baby they realize that their husbands have lied to them about the extent to which they expect their wife to do their (i.e. the husband's labor)?

My husband was "Mr. I support you we are equal partners" until I was delivered Baby #1.  Then it was too much for him.  That totally killed my interest in sex with him - who wants to have sex with an incompetent man-baby?  His lack of support to me and our kid, his treatment of me as an unequal partner, and his expectation that I would provide free labor to him killed our sex life and marriage. We separated when it became clear to me that he had no intention to learn to parent.

I broke up with him after a year of refusing to sleep with him because it was clear he would never become an equal partner and I actually like sex and had my own financial safety net. Because I knew I had enough money to raise my child safely (even if modestly), I could decide that I didn't want to live in a sexless marriage (with a man baby who constantly pawed at me for sex without pulling his weight which made the whole situation feel very rapey and non-consensual like it was expected that I would continue to have sex with him no matter what.)

[b]The sad thing is that his kid recognizes how lame he is - he now tries to foist his labor off on to her. She is not going to leave him as a father, but even as a young child, telling him what kind of groceries he had to buy for her, telling him he had to provide an appropriate sleeping space for her, etc., totally killed her desire to live at his house. She lived full time with me, and he never took any custody. [/b]

Yet, he considers himself a great dad and shows up to every ceremony that celebrates her accomplishment so he can bask in the reflected light as a good parent. She is his prop, as was I.

If you want a good sex life after marriage, don't treat a wife like a house slave or nanny. [/quote]
Your toxicity oozes through this whole post, but this vignette reflects worse on you than it does your “lame” exH tbh.[/quote]

I supported the father-kid relationship cheerfully for years, but a parent can only cancel on a kid so many times, never invite her for a sleepover, get married and voluntarily drop child visitation, skip Christmas to go visit stepmom’s parents, buy a new more expensive house without any bedroom for her, etc. For so long without a negative impact.  Even a 10 year old understands the message sent when step mom uses the extra bedroom for a dressing room and dad accepts that and makes DD sleep on the sofa on the rare occasions he even has her over.  I never interpreted these actions of her dad to her - she had a therapist who, thankfully, helped her understand the concept of parental neglect and how to set appropriate boundaries and maintain the positive aspects of the relationship.  Without the therapist, she would have grown up thinking that this level of inattention was normal and she would have sought to replicate it in her relationships, which would have been very unhealthy.

Men love to assume that women wreck their relationships with their kids, but you reap what you sow in terms of your parental efforts.

Sure, my post does reflect on me - on the fact that in private, not in front of my kids, I am not willing to pretend that his lame effort equals good parenting. TBH, for far too long I pretended his behavior was good parenting, and I think it was unhealthy - making the kid doubt her own perceptions and feelings.  If you equate women being honest with toxicity, that is a you problem. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics