Reply to how do I hide this particular trip from this particular friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Something is off, OP. How poor are her children that they cannot visit their mother, or pay for her to visit them?

How cruel are you to not be able to participate? How close are you really, if you do not know her children and cannot coordinate with them?

My family has some [b]very poor[/b] members, and my parents helped them financially on occasion, paying for small trips for them to visit family, and buy clothes.

If this is a friend you talk to every day, then you should be able to do something for her.

I am not buying this story.
[/quote]

Me again. And I do mean the bolded. They would arrive in my city by bus, and my mother would take them to a cheap clothing store and buy them a couple of outfits. They would stay at a relative's home and get all meals paid for by family. At the end of the visit, they would get some cash, and get their return trip paid by my parents or another relative.

When people are dirt poor like this, there is usually dysfunction and disabilities, hidden or obvious, that contribute to the inability to manage their lives and which make relations with any potential children, family and friends sometimes difficult. My poorest relative had both a physical and cognitive disability and had a fraught relationship with her adult child, also poor. At the end of her life, he did end up caring for her.

I would not tell her that your husband visited her hometown. If you can't see your way to helping her visit, maybe due to concerns she would continually ask you for money, then don't twist the knife.[/quote]

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