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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A year and a half ago I was blindsided by my exDH’s affair. He is now about to move in with and marry his AP. We have two kids 8 and 10. The thought of this woman being their stepmother makes me feel horrible. if you’ve been through something like this, how did you get through?[/quote]

You get through it by being a wonderful actress. Your role is loving Mother to your children, which includes self-sacrifice. You talk up the AP and try and make things as comfortable as possible for your traumatized children. You text her thanks when she does something nice for your kids. You suck it up and move on, get therapy if this seems impossible. These forums are filled with stories of selfish divorced parents and the lasting impact it had on now adults. Life isn’t fair, there is not necessarily going to be some sweet Karmic retribution. Kids don’t learn later about affairs and hate the cheating parent- they follow your emotional lead every step of the way.[/quote]

Pretty much this, OP. I've been through it and I'd suggest getting yourself some support, a therapy group helped me more than individual. The kids will likely benefit from therapy too. It is not a situation you or your kids got to pick. What is your schedule? Ours is 50/50. My ex and AP are still married. Just keep doing the best you can for your kids. The feeling of loss of control was hard, for the kids too, I had to work hard on coping skills so I could model them. It's not a natural situation but with court ordered shared time, work on radical acceptance and making a good life at your home and smoothing co-parenting. My kids were a little younger, you have to make this situation work for them for a long time to come, be at school events and sports, etc. together, then graduations and weddings. You will get through this. I'm sorry you have to.  [/quote]

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