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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is it on the victim to be the better person?  What about the guy who cheated?  He was certainly not the better person.  Why should his shitry actions be hidden and protected?  And certainly the other woman has no right not to be bad mouthed.  
Depending on kids ages I think it’s ok to be honest about how this couple met and that you are hurt by their relationship.  [/quote]

It is on the parent to be a responsible parent with the kids' best interest in mind no matter what has happened to the parent.  There is no need to hide anything, but it would be horrendously destructive for you to speak poorly of your childrens' other parent in front of them.  Grow up and be a parent.[/quote]

Why does the parent who cheated get a pass for cheating and causing an event that is horrendously destructive to their family and children? [b]Why does your advice “grow up and be a parent” not apply to them as well?
[/b]
“It is on the parent to be a responsible parent with the kids' best interest in mind no matter what has happened to the parent.”

Would that include not cheating on your spouse? How is sneaking around and having an intimate relationship with a person who is not your marriage partner being a responsible parent? Is it in the kids best interest to do that? [/quote]  You do realize you have zero control over this?  You can be manipulative and revengeful; you can play games and put the kids in the middle,  but you can't make someone step up, take responsibility for their actions, and be a better parent.  You only control yourself. [/quote]

[b]So your advice is only for the parent who didn’t cheat? [/b]They get the burden of being the sole responsible parent. They have to let the cheating parent manipulate the entire family, play games, and lie. Your only recourse is to be the super parent and do all the work? They are wholly responsible for stepping up, being responsible, and creating a life for their children that maintains their innocence while mom or dad has already purposefully taken steps to destroy their entire family. That’s ridiculous.

Telling kids is an age appropriate way the truth about their family isn’t being manipulative. Nor is it playing games.

So if your husband or wife cheats on you and divorces you and marries the ap, your task is to be a better parent because you got cheated  on? That doesn’t make any sense to me. Ex didn’t put the kids first. You did. You aren’t responsible for the kid’s relationship with the other parent, that’s their responsibility. You aren’t destroying their relationship with the other parent by simply telling the truth. In fact, the other parent is forcing you to lie for them and manipulates everyone into letting them do whatever they want and everyone must smile and pretend it didn’t happen. That’s so healthy! [/quote]

New poster

The parent who didn’t cheat is the mature one, seeking advice on DCUM. advice for the Parent cheating (or wanting to cheat) would be: show some respect, Do Not cheat, don't break up your family, Don’t ruin your kids lives, don’t be selfish. Etc.

But the betrayed spouse is seeking advice here. You can only control what you can. To  leave your kids as collateral damage toget back at your exDH may make sense in the moment but could likely scar them for life. D all future relationships with significant others and their father and and possibly you too
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