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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They have been visiting for nearly a week on account of my daughter’s high school graduation. They are both old — mid 80s — and in poor health. I feel terrible about this because they are not bad people, but I hate having them visit. I feel it is an intrusion on my space, I feel stuck, I resent them, and all I want is for them to leave and never come back (and I’ll make sure of it). This visit is a way for them to feel important and feel seen. But I feel used. I’m 54 and and I am finally seeing my parents for the very damaged people that they are. I see how they hurt me as a child by neglecting me emotionally. I think my dad is a kind of narcissist — everything has to be about him, he’ll do anything for attention and adulation. His relentless focus on himself and his insatiable desire to get his needs met deprived me of being heard and being seen as a child. My mom is rather pathetic, sitting there passively, waiting to be told what to do. She’s always been that way. She will not be around much longer. I feel like I should have some kind of meaningful conversation with her but I can’t fathom what to say. I have nothing to say. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to get the words out. We don’t have that kind of relationship.  I hate myself for feeling this way — couldn’t I be more compassionate at this stage in their lives, I keep telling myself — but the truth is that I don’t want to be. I’ve had it with them. They repulse me. This sucks but there you have it. Does anyone else feel this way? [/quote]

Almost 7 years of my parents living elsewhere, not listening, screaming no. Father passed (sad but it did free my mother), house had to be forced to sell, mother goes to assisted living but the years of not doing her PT, etc, caught up with her and she’s now wheelchair-bound. NOW she wants to help herself but she’s probably 10 years too late. Last time I was out there, I stayed 2 months to help and came back completely post traumatic due to the nightmare of being with people who don’t care if they deplete you to the last amount of your energy. I have to go back in a week BUT this time my mother is in assisted living. If she wants to come back East, would love to have her BUT in assisted living or a nursing home. She’s a good person (at least there is that) but can be very passive and demanding at the same time. The good news is she loves assisted living and even nursing homes because she loves the attention and help. At least here, I could have her properly evaluated and perhaps they CAN get her back on a walker which would be a huge improvement. If not, a motorized wheelchair would help.

I feel you and DO NOT feel guilty. There is a reason you feel the way you do.[/quote]

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