Reply to Are these comments typical for the age, or is my DD a jerk?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel so much compassion for you and your daughter. I deeply deeply suspect she has ASD. Your daughter is identical to me at that age. She is not struggling with being “mean,” she is struggling with understanding socially acceptable behavior and nuance. As an adult I still struggle with being rigid around rules and fairness and understanding social rules and boundaries. I vividly remember being spanked by a friend’s mom for repeating something sarcastic something else had said at school because I didn’t realize it was rude. I was not trying to be rude, and that and many order similar encounters where looking back I failed to understand social rules really destroyed my self esteem and desire to get along with people. I was often accused of being mean or taking jokes too far, and it still hurts me to this day to remember those instances because I know that was never my intention.

I wish my parents had been MUCH, much gentler and more understanding with me and my social deficits while also offering firm, practical guidance on how to follow social rules. I now do this for my daughter. We role play certain scenarios, discuss acceptable behavior, and explicitly discuss the unfairness of differing social expectations and how crucial it is to follow rules and obey hierarchies even when they make no sense or seem arbitrary. I would suggest offering your daughter explicit, compassionate guidance and signing her up for social skills classes.[/quote]

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