Reply to Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

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Reply to "Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.[/quote]

But men don't get pregnant and give birth. I think people really underestimate how big of a deal it is for women to have kids. I did, before I had them. Now I totally understand why a woman would want a man like described.

[b]Motherhood is labor in a way fatherhood isn't. Unless that changes, these gender disparities will persist.[/b][/quote]

That is the point.  In many UMC houses there is no disparity in this after birth.  Marry a better quality of man and raise better quality men.[/quote]

What makes it possible is money though. When families have less money, they wind up relying more heavily on the unpaid labor of women to make it work. UMC couples can create egalitarian marriages because they have enough income to solve any disparities with money, if necessary. And maybe some of these UMC families have female breadwinners, but most either have both parents who are earning well, or one very high earner.

Which means most of the families you are talking about have exactly what OP is talking about-- men whose wives *could* choose not to work, if they wanted or needed to. So these women could take an extended maternity leave, or take unpaid leave during pregnancy, if they felt it was needed, and it wouldn't somehow throw things all out if whack.

I also think that family support/help can make it easier to have an equal marriage, because it can relieve three pressure. If you knew there wasn't going to be that kind of support, it might be one even more important to have a higher income. [b]Money makes equality more accessible in marriage.[/b][/quote]

That last sentence about the privilege money provides to relationships is true but judging by some of the anecdotes here it is also important to not marry an anti-feminist, status obsessed and/or controlling man. People seem more likely to rail against not working more than not marrying a toxic man and some social circles (for a variety of reasons) have more toxic men than others. The reason being, it is easier to make that split from the toxic man if you have a job. I'd advocate not falling for the toxic man in the first place and make your decisions based on more important reasons like finances or if that is assured, desires or the unexpected reasons that life throws at you with kids and opportunities.

This debate is pointless for people without the privilege of either choice but cautioning women against misogynistic red flags serves everyone because it is on the rise globally.[/quote]

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