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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have heard these types of stories at several schools that my DD and her friends attend (including but not limited to Northwestern, Michigan,  Northeastern, Harvard, U Chicago, University of Illinois-CI).  Her friends that do not seem to have these experiences (i.e., the clubs are more inclusive) are the ones at SLACs, including top tier ones (Swarthmore, Haverford, Bates).  Note, I'm not talking about club sports or "business" fraternities, but regular old student-run clubs (think newspapers/magazines, affinity groups). [/quote]

SIGH. People hate to look at themselves in the mirror. LC and MC people especially, as well as first-generation UMCs do not understand that having your kid get into a college means ZERO if your kid can't figure out how to flourish. So you need to know your kid's place.

Yale has to admit some high-achieving kids who are minorities or lower/middle income. Those kids are the "exception that proves the rule" of how difficult it is to get into Yale. Those kids are there to sink or swim in their classes, all while providing the dining hall labor.

But there is ZERO reason for the generally UC kids running a club to accept these lower or middle-class kids unless they REALLY benefit PERSONALLY from including them. These are the kids that have no connections, nothing interesting in their experiences and background, and nothing but their brains to push them forward. They can't function in an executive room where people give lip service to diversity, but laugh about the diversity hire's latest fumble during cocktails after a round. Oh, was your kid not invited to play that round of golf? Exactly.

So look at your kid. Is she gorgeous? Then maybe she can get hint to the club President that she'll date him, or maybe she can look good on stage with the members of the a cappella group.

Does your kid have a hookup for really good drugs? Then maybe he can trade on that to get into an investment club.

But if your kid is the average "successful" entrant to Yale, their already WAY ahead of the game. They got admitted, and surely are getting all sorts of "need"-based financial aid. So they really don't need to be given any more perks that would let them rise ahead of the kids who actually FUND the university. it's just the way it is.

[/quote]

Ouch. That’s harsh.
But explains so much.

I feel like our prep school’s kids actually have hard time keeping up with the social pecking order in the Ivies, run by the boarding school/WASP/7th generation kid. At least that’s what I’ve been hearing from last year’s senior parents…”hard adjustment”, “interesting social dynamics”, “competitive culture”, etc.
Maybe you are explaining why.[/quote]

I'm the Yale alumna mom who posted. That's the vibe I get from my DD, and while I hate to give credence to the PP you're replying to, I agree that there are very few things that help someone escape their spot in the pecking order. My DD's "regular people" friends who broke into more rarefied circles or found opportunities at Yale were from basic places looked and acted MC when they arrived but were crazy new rich and could follow alongside the other rich kids (fancy trips, NYC weekends, etc.), were athletes, or they were women who were gorgeous. I have a younger DD whose friends' parents are totally consumed by college sports recruiting, and I don't blame them. Being on a varsity team seems to afford students more social mobility and opportunities at elite colleges.[/quote]

It all sounds so intimidating to me. I’m sure this is the way it is, it’s just disheartening. I could never live up to that lifestyle! My kid goes to a large OOS  university, but was interested in a few smaller colleges that had reputations of wealthy, cliquey students. I don’t know how it would have worked out socially. [/quote]

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