Reply to I gave up a baby for adoption. Ask me anything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm also an adult adoptee. I was born in 85 and, from what I understand, my birth mom was as young as you were. It was a closed adoption and I have no idea who this woman is, although she knows who my adoptive parents are. 
I grew up knowing I was adopted and I have wondered every single day of my life why my birth mom hasn't looked for me. I have wondered if she thinks about me at all, if she wonders whether or not I had a good life and if she would like to know that I have now a beautiful family of my own and am expecting my second child.
It hurts a lot. Not that I was adopted, but how I was adopted and how, instead of having a loving birth mother to add to my adoptive family, I have always a feeling of grieving for the parent I never had.

Why haven't you tried to contact your child?[/quote]

NP and adult adoptee. These are my feelings and questions as well.[/quote]

First pp here. I guess since OP has been back to answer others, but haven't answered my question, she is ignoring it. Which is probably more telling than answering it at all.[/quote]

It's ask me anything not "i'll answer anything." Not the OP, but your question was motivated from a personal anger and directed at your own parents. OP is answering questions freely but does not have to respond when you use her as a punching bag.

Honestly, you sound like a person who harbors a TON of resentment toward a person who gave you a tremendous gift, which maybe is normal with adoption but I suggest you both spend some time on the couch to resolve these issues, because the fact that you're beating up on someone you've made into a proxy for your own birth mothers is the thing that is actually "telling." About you.

Whatever your birth mother's circumstances, she could have aborted you. She could have left you in a dumpster. I'm sorry you don't know about her circumstances. That must be very difficult. But she might have been raped. She might have hidden the pregnancy from her family / spouse / etc. She might have been 12. Hell, she just might have been a selfish person who wanted to buy more jewelry and couldn't afford it with another baby, but that's not terribly likely. She might have NO DESIRE to be a parent, then or now, so she placed you with someone who does. This is a tremendous gift no matter how you shake it out. If someone can't or won't take care of you, for whatever reason, be thankful you were placed with a loving family who wanted you so much they went through the painful process of adoption. Your birth mother carried you in her body for nine months and made the ultimate sacrifice for your well being. I'm sorry, and I do get the impulse that leads you here, but at some point I think it's unwise to expect a birth parent, who made a clear decision to relinquish parenting rights, to change her mind and want to be a big part of your life later on. Some parents can do that but for others, they must make a clear break. She gave you such a big gift, and it must be hard for the circumstances to be mysterious, but you simply must accept that your parents are your parents. The ones who raised you. Anything more is gravy, but you cannot expect it.

and really, OP sounds heartbroken, so I'm kind of pissed on her behalf that you're using her as a punching bag. Kind of shameful. [/quote]

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