Reply to s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP of that thread.  For us, having a child exacerbated the mental illnesses. There was no way to tell before because he was masking it. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 but there were little incidents but it was really well hidden[/quote]

NP and this was my experience too. XDH looked great on paper, with undergrad and grad degrees from impressive schools you'd want your kids to go to and a job that requires a high level of functioning. He was/is tall, dark and handsome. People who knew us told me I was dating a "really nice guy."

There were a few signs, including a mom and a brother with undiagnosed (at the time of our marriage) issues. But I could always look to XDH's amazingly successful dad to convince myself that XDH had inherited strong genes.

It wasn't until we had the second kid that the wheels came off. And only in the last few years, after our kids entered college, has he received ADHD and bipolar diagnoses. It was after the kids that I learned that he makes horrific financial and other decisions (think: buying two cars in the span of four months). It was after marriage that I learned what his bosses really thought of him. And to compound it all, to justify various setbacks he basically brought on himself, he gets defensive and abusive and blames everybody around him. He's managed to estranged himself from me (he ex-wife, which didn't have to be a given) and from both his adult kids, which is no small feat given how understanding both kids are.

A friend who married a guy with asthma said she wished we could all get genetic tests before marriage. She was only partly joking. [/quote]

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