Reply to s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Finding out your spouse has autism after marriage? Lol, what? Or narcissism? Or OCD? Unless you are marrying someone you have known a few months or less -- which no one should be doing anyway -- you knew about these things before you said "I do."

People don't suddenly figure out two kids into a marriage that their spouse is self-involved with no social skills. They decide they could have done better when they are two kids into the marriage (which may or may not be true -- probably not) and start labeling/diagnosing and complaining on the internet and making drama in general (because they are likely not at par either). [/quote]

I mean I definitely know people who were diagnosed with ADHD and (more rarely) autism waaaaay after marriage and kids — usually when their kids were in elementary school and diagnosed and the affected parent was like “That’s not [diagnosis]; that’s just life.  Right?  …right?”  Maybe less so these days where mental health speak is commonplace but it definitely used to happen.[/quote]

Being diagnosed after marriage and kids doesn't mean the issue suddenly appeared after marriage and kids. It was there before; it just hadn't been given a diagnosis code by a professional yet. And it isn't like the diagnosis is there, and then suddenly massive dysfunction that wasn't there before arises. That is not how it works. And autism does not spontaneously occur in adults. By the time you are an adult, your neurodevelopment is complete. Similar thing with ADHD and the serious mental illnesses. ADHD develops in childhood, whether diagnosed then, or not. Bipolar disorder can develop a bit later, in the teens or possibly early 20s. But none of these issues are going to spontaneously arise in a 40 year old man, rendering him suddenly unable to help with the dishes or make small talk with the other dads at soccer or whatever.

Again -- people know what they are getting, and they marry anyway. Sure, it can get worse. But it was there; some people gamble on it, thinking it will get better or that the person's good looks/income/whatever make it worth it. Sometimes maybe it does. Usually not. But I don't believe people need some list of red flags from this website to assess this stuff -- they know what they are getting into and then want to cry when the gamble doesn't pay off. I get it, it's hard and disappointing, but enough with acting shocked and bewildered when you got what you settled for. [/quote]
NP. You’re speaking from a place of great fortune. If you had experienced what it’s like for someone to change on you or become their worst self due to life stresses or other reasons, you wouldn’t be posting so arrogantly. [b]Life will humble you[/b].[/quote]

+1,000,000[/quote]

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