Reply to Marriage not great-taking 5 day trip with DH to work on it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here with an update. The trip was actually really nice! We didn’t necessarily solve anything or even really talk about anything. But we had a nice vacation together at the beach and enjoyed each other’s company. It was very peaceful and even nice to be together. We had some nice meals out and watched the sunset. I wouldn’t say it brought us closer together, but it was nice to know that when you remove all the stressors, we can just enjoy being together.

I am glad we had the chance to enjoy some time together but it did nothing whatsoever to improve things in a big picture way or reset the dynamic. It went right back to what it has always been the instant we started traveling home.

And now I feel maybe a bit more discouraged than before. Because there just doesn’t seem to be anything left to try and there is no way to make this relationship better.

The trip was pretty great though![/quote]

It's so great that you can have a good time when all the stressors are removed.

Perhaps you should consider doing more getaway weekends without the kids.  If you have people to watch them.

And maybe you should do low stress monthly date nights.  By low stress I mean, not a lot of effort to plan.  Easy to get into restaurants, theater tickets or movie tickets you can buy a few days in advance, etc.

You need more successful and frequent time together to restore the relationship.  Rare one-offs can be awkward.

I predict your kids will be easier at 9 and 7 than 7 and 5.   If you can get a little happier with your marriage over the next two years, that may help you stay married long-term.  Don't overschedule your kids with activities as that may add stress to your life and theirs.

Lots of relationships are imperfect.  Lots of bad ones don't fix or get better when the couple is alone.

I hope you can find peace and optimism to weather this tough time.  I really feel it's valuable to keep families intact if possible.  The stressors of modern life and divorce also impact post-divorce subsequent relationships in tough to handle ways.

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