Reply to Can I go on vacation out of state with my kids if DH and I have no custody agreement?

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Reply to "Can I go on vacation out of state with my kids if DH and I have no custody agreement?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks again.  I have no plans to keep them out of state permanently.  I have been taking them every summer for seven weeks since kindergarten.  I like the idea of me just going for longer so he is compelled to take care of them and I can take care of my parents. But they will hate it.  They don’t have a close relationship and he feeds them sugar and unhealthy meals and no structure with video games and movies.  They will enjoy that for a few days but not for much longer.   They tell me they are still hungry on the one night a week he gives them dinner.  [/quote]

Make meals for them that he can reheat.  They cannot develop a close relationship if they don't spend time together.  This is a good time for them to spend time together.  Movies and video games is ok in moderation.[/quote]

DP.  I am kind of codependent and a pushover, but even I would struggle doing this.  
The guy is threatening to file for divorce and custody, and then have the police come to her 80 year old parents house.  
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And she’s threatening to take the kids out of state for 2 months while preparing to file for custody. I don’t agree with his threats but he’s not wrong to be concerned.

OP is coming off as a bit self-centered and clueless here - exactly like the type of person who would do something like decide “oh, it’s so nice here with the grandparents, obviously the best thing for the kids is to just stay here. I can get a new teaching job easily enough and mom & dad will let us stay here until I get on my feet.”

OP needs to face the reality of the situation and get the ball rolling on an actual custody agreement. And also accept that the era of spending 7 weeks with the grandparents is likely over.

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I was with this line of thinking in my first reply until OP said he also doesn't want her to go without the kids because then he'd have to take care of them!
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He has a FT job so obviously they’d need to arrange for childcare. OP isn’t being a reliable narrator. [/quote]

Husband needs to arrange childcare since he's the one who has the issue. The OP is available for her kids. [/quote]

That’s a needlessly high-conflict way to handle it. They can work together to figure out childcare. If OP wants truly zero coordination with her DH she needs to get divorced and get a detailed custody plan (which btw will almost certainly not include 7 weeks away). [/quote]

How is it needlessly high conflict to ask your spouse to arrange for meals and childcare during the time they are responsible for the kids?

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When you are married things like childcare are shared responsibilities, not the sole responsibility of one or the other.  Even if one parent is on vacation and the other is left with the kids, they are both still responsible for the kids.

Plus, OP would be an idiot to establish so clearly for the courts that she thinks he is up to the challenge of full custody, unless she actually wants to give him the kids.[/quote]

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