Reply to Annoying Constant Comparison

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Chipotle mom, I don't know whether this is helpful, or your style, but it worked for me.

The issue is not how the children may be different, it's the act of comparison, which usually comes from free-floating anxiety.  Unless you are with a parent genuinely concerned that there may be something wrong with her baby, and you sense she wants encouragement to check with her doctor, the conversation really needs to be shut down.  It's just not healthy for anyone when parents compare children in a competitive fashion.

I love babies and find them fascinating people, so it's not hard to show appreciation for the other child.  It's hard to be competitive with someone who is already delighting in your child.

I might say something about how fascinating it is that children develop so differently, and that I love seeing over time how a child's true gifts emerge.

And if the person persists, I say, very warmly, that comparisons are odious, and it is just too exciting to see what the child *is* to worry about what the child may not be.

[/quote]

OP here. Thank you for weighing in. This is beautiful!

I have another child now and it's amazing to see how differently they develop. You're absolutely right. I love watching him doing his thing and watching movies from when DD was his age and seeing how different they are in so many ways but still they can be doing one thing or the other exactly like each other.

To the curious PP:

While DD is doing well she's still behind her peers in some skills but she has graduated from Physical Therapy and is ready to start school. She's enrolled in a small Montessori program based in a church in our neighborhood. If you're a DCUM addict you'll see that they called me out in other threads where I talk about her starting school soon, etc.

We ended up losing contact with the family because they moved away. The mom still emails me asking how DD is doing, what she's up to and telling us what her DD is up to. She also asks if DS is on track. I usually respond briefly with a happy tone and ask about her family too. Her daughter is doing fine and ahead in so many ways because she's still taller than everybody her age and speaks 2 languages. The emails are getting more spaced out and when I told her DD was starting school she asked me if she was going to a special needs class. I responded with a very short email, keeping up the happy tone and she didn't write back yet. They won't start their DD in school until K.

Anyway, I really appreciate your post, nice PP and I'm happy to inform you that I've adopted this way of thinking/responding even before I read your post. I guess the playdates with the families from Early Intervention taught me much more than I expected to learn from them.

As parents we should keep our minds open, there's always a chance to learn something new and we shouldn't miss them.[/quote]

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