Reply to Big Law spouses - give me your tips and tricks

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Big Law spouses - give me your tips and tricks"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First tip: accept reality.  Your DH will not be able to commit to things and the instability and travel will continue as long as he is in this job. They aren’t going to get better so accept this is his and your life.  As other posters have said - you and the kids lives need to function whether he is there or not.

Second:  build the team.  You need more help.  Either a nanny, au pair, housekeeper.  Pay an agency if you need to find someone good.

Third:  You may want to scale back at work, quit or switch to part time.   I am considering this and only have 2 kids.  I have the “team” and kind of hate it.  I would rather do some things myself and my kids are at the ages where they really need a parent. Elem and middle.

Fourth:  Do things to make yourself happy. [b]This may or may not be the life you signed up for.  It wasn’t what I signed up for.  Yes I have money but I make very good money on my own and what I thought I was getting was a true partner in raising the kids.  I didn’t get that.[/b]  See tip 1. Then figure out how to make yourself happy and do that.  It will help with resentment.

Fifth tip: read career and family by Claudia Goldin.  She’s a Harvard economist who studies these issues.  She won the Nobel prize.

When did you meet your spouse if it's not what you signed up for? I mean when you met, was he not a lawyer or studying to be one? You had to have known that being with an attorney who strives to be a partner or at least successful regardless of making partner, would entail huge, personal sacrifices.

Best of luck.  Many people can’t relate so be careful who you confide in and whose advice you trust.   You are fortunate but also have gaping holes and it’s a big weight and responsibility to do the career and family thing alone. Society isn’t setup for this and it falls on the woman typically.

Signed, btdt [/quote][/quote]

Damn. Totally screwed up on formatting:

My comment: When did you meet your spouse if it's not what you signed up for? I mean when you met, was he not a lawyer or studying to be one? You had to have known that being with an attorney who strives to be a partner or at least successful regardless of making partner, would entail huge, personal sacrifices. [/quote]

Not OP but this kind of comment is so unhelpful. I’ve been with my spouse since we were both in college. He always worked hard but so did I. But our lives always had balance- friends, sports, each other. The life style of work is the top priority and everything else fits in around it in second place is a toxic mindset that many lawyers get swept up in despite being unhappy. I’ve seen it in many of my husbands peers and if my husband hadn’t stepped back to a smaller firm I was seriously considering divorce. Some people are ok with that life but I am not.[/quote]

I didn't mean for my comment to be unhelpful, just pointing out the reality of what the situation will more than likely be if married to an attorney, esp., one looking to become a partner. I mean you yourself state that the fact that your spouse is at a smaller firm, is more conducive to a happy home life.  I'm not married to one, but I'd be happier in your situation. A financial gain is not worth sacrificing family time.[/quote]

Well yes, if you marry someone who says “I aim to become a big law partner,” then yes it’s what you signed up for. But if that or some other intense job wasn’t their goal, then no it wouldn’t really be what you signed up for. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics