Reply to Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

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Reply to "Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. [b]These women are being a little bit pick-me[/b].

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth. [/quote]

JFC to the bolded. They are being a picky me for NOT caring about rings?[/quote]

+1 I think the poster meant “pick me” as in conscious social signaling to try to get guy to pick you over other girls. But it’s not like I was making (and him watching) TikToks about it before we went of a first date. To have an engagement ring or not, it is a private decision for the couple. [/quote]

I'm the poster who mentioned that it can be pick-mes who are okay without a ring. I don't know what TikTok has to do with it? Having low standards significantly pre-dates Tiktok.

But anyway, I suspect that PP who was aghast at my comment doesn't know a lot of women without a strong sense of worth who convince themselves to be okay with very low standards from men. If a guy is making comments like "women are so materialistic" and "if you need a physical representation of my commitment that means you don't trust me" or stuff like that, then he is probably marrying someone with low standards and is a bit of a pick-me. There are all sorts of manifestations in something like this, like a woman being willing to play wife for a long time before getting married, a man refusing to put effort into vows, etc. And of course a fancy ring doesn't mean the guy will be a great husband, but a guy who is affronted at a woman's expectation of a ring is highly likely to be a bad husband.

Like I said, OP could be right about these people, and she could be wrong. I wanted a ring but my husband was a student and had very little income, so I basically bought it with my own money. I'm sure some people would think I was a fool for doing that. :) [/quote]

Men don't need a physical representation of commitment because a woman's committment is just assumed to be there and it's taken for granted. The ring is just a band-aid for the fact that men in a relationship are not expected to be as committed as women and that their committment is much more important than the woman's. If an unmarried couple moves in together and both share expenses and chores equally it would never occur to you that the man has a low self-esteem, because you don't define a man's worth by his marital status.

If the woman is carrying most of the work, then why would you think that a ring and a wedding would justify this imbalance? It sounds like many women marry men who don't respect them enough, who never do anything around the house but believe that a ring and other material things will compensate for it. They call other women "pick-me" because they can't fathom the idea of a woman who partnered up/married with a man who's a true equal, who doesn't need to take extra steps to show how commited he is.

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