Reply to We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed.

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Reply to "We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in your position and it turned out my now ex was fully exploiting me and taking advantage of my obvious and understandable distraction. But it was all my fault of course!

Then he cheated and I divorced him. Not what he wanted or expected.

This current situation is full of red flags. Start looking at your finances now. [/quote]

Oh stop. There are no red flags, just the reality of two working parents including one in finance.

I suggest paring back on everything, no activities. After school nanny instead of after care. Plus, perhaps you can look for a new job OP. [/quote]

I totally disagree. All jumped out at me:

Guy is making $160K and doing no drop off, no pick up, and no dinner. Unless he’s on a strict upward trajectory in finance and this is only temporary, [b]he’s not making enough money to justify being this checked out. [/b]

He still prioritizes workers while OP is drowning.

His response to all this is to say he “regrets having kids”.

None of this is good. [/quote]

There are plenty of dads of young children at his salary level that get their work done in a way that allows them to be a contributing partner at home. He doesn't want to hear it from you so find a dad friend who has his shit together that he can talk to.

Time is a very limited resource when you have young kids and everyone needs to set reasonable expectations about what can realistically get done in the available hours you have and outsource when feasible. This might mean you both may be doing things at an hour that is outside of your preference or custom, or you may have to temporarily downgrade standards or deprioritize certain activities.

For instance, why stress about working out during the day if that's an option available to you? If kid wrangling in the morning and at night is crowding out working out, and working out every day is a high priority, then both of you should be working out at lunchtime. That's just the way it is right now. If dinner prep is taking up too much bandwidth, be strategic about what you are making and when you're making it. If he can't possibly help with dinner time on weeknights, then he should 100% be helping with meal prepping when he can (late night, weekends). If housework is crowding out the downtime you need to stay sane, then pay for help. 
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