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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.[/quote]

Your DH has sleep apnea, get him to the doctor. That is absolutely text book signs.[/quote]

isn't sleep apnea waking yourself up with a start?[/quote]

Sometimes, but not always. Many people with apnea don't realize they have apnea because they don't ever wake fully, but their brain wakes from restful sleep to minimal sleep many times per night in effort to get the body to breathe again. It's very destructive to mental health because of the chronic sleep deprivation and also to organ health because of the chronic low O2 saturation due to apnea episodes throughout the night - Carrie Fisher died due to the complications of untreated sleep apnea https://sleepeducation.org/death-carrie-fisher-warning-sleep-apnea/ and those complications are epidemic in our society, there are millions of people living with untreated apnea. Snoring is a common sympton in folks with apnea, but some don't snore much if at all, so it's really important to get tested, especially if you've gained weight in adulthood or have been overweigh/obese since childhood - some people with apnea are normal weight and the structures in their throats are just faulty, many people with apnea are overweight/obese and the fat in the throat area is causing them to stop breathing properly in sleep.

As to the issue with teeth - poster, you should sit down with some research in hand and talk to your husband about what his quality of life will be like in another decade of two when his teeth have deteriorated to the point that he can't properly chew food. I've been in healthcare for a decade with folks from midlife into elder years and it's very sad to see people who cannot eat properly because they neglected dental care in their younger years. Dentures are not fun, and implants are the only solid choice once teeth have severely deteriorated, and they are hella expensive. He needs to get to a dentist now or start saving for the $50-90k he'll need to replace his teeth if he doesn't get going on salvaging what's left.
[/quote]

Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m trying so hard to get him to go to the dentist. But I think he is very scared an embarrassed about how his teeth look. I even volunteered to go with him, and he keeps canceling the appointment.

Same for the snoring. He just refuses to go to the doctor. He has gained weight, he’s probably the heaviest he’s ever been. I even recorded him snoring so he could see how bad he sounds.

I’m going to talk to him again tonight.  Thanks.[/quote]

OP, talk to him again. I have severe obstructive sleep apnea and getting on cpap therapy has been life changing. If you have it and don't get it treated, it can be life threatening, and even if it doesn't kill you your quality of life can be horrible. I didn't want to do a sleeo study either, I'm not even sure why I resisted it at first, but the doctor talked me into it and I'm so glad they did.

I can relate to the teeth issue as well. I have anxiety with going to the dentist and I had done pretty well with it my whole life, powering through appointments with nitrous oxide (ugh it's so expensive), and then my May 2020 bi-annual cleaning was canceled when Covid hit. I didn't reschedule when they opened and before I knew it over three years had gone by and I new my oral health was a mess and could tell that even my breath was bad. I forced myself to make an appointment and got my doctor to give me a Xanax for it. Then I bit the bullet and went. It was uncomfortable and I needed deep cleaning which is awful and lots of money, but I got it done and I feel sooooo much better.

Tell your DH a woman from the internet feels like she was in his position and didn't want to deal with either issue, but once she did everything got a lot better. And with both dental issues and a potential sleep apnea diagnosis, dealing with it beats the ramifications of not dealing with it. I can guarantee that. The hard part is making the call for the appointment and then actually going. He just needs to get himself to the dentist. Get himself to the doctor (and then the sleep study). Op, provide lots of support for this -- both emotional, and, perhaps even more importantly, with logistics. [/quote]

Thank you again for this response. His dental issue is partially connected to Covid as well. He had been going pretty regularly, then missed a couple of years, then Covid.

He supposed to being to Doc this Friday for his annual required by insurance. I’m hoping he keeps the appointment.

I really appreciate your response. I needed your response. [/quote]

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