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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m more surprised at the number of parents who show up and don’t watch any of the games or practices. At the most recent game, woman’s son made a great play and she had no idea because she was talking about random stuff with another parent. [/quote]

Again, read the books / articles on this…because that’s actually what the kids prefer.

Also, sometimes as part of carpool I might stick around for practice because it was more efficient vs dropping off and returning home just to turn around again…but I don’t give a rats a** about the practice.  I knew my kid was getting good instruction…why do I need to pay attention to a practice?[/quote]

LOL.  You’re latching onto an argument that coincides with your desired outcome and holding on for dear life.  13 year olds also prefer to not attend class, do no homework, eat junk food and be on electronics all day. Are you taking your 13 year old’s lead on those topics?  Are you following those articles.

There is a vein of truth that those kids are touching on in terms of parent behavior, so I don’t want to dismiss you out of hand here.  And, as kids age I agree with matheny that parents should fade from practice.

Additionally, the nature of youth is such that you don’t grasp temporally the meaning of parent sacrifice of time and effort. By my senior year in high school I started to understand what it meant that my parents were always in the stands for all games.  Especially as you notice a lifetime of teammates looking for their parents that never showed up. It wasn’t until I had my own family and career that I fully appreciated what my parents were doing. [/quote]

No, I’m not.  I am asking my kid what they prefer and respecting it.  If your kid wants you there…great for you.

However, there are more kid wishing their parents weren’t there (or at least at every single game)…vs the reverse.

I agree about the extrems…this isn’t go to zero, but it also isn’t go to every single game.[/quote]

The average 13 year old will decline to do homework, skip class in favor of hanging out with friends, and eat a junk diet.  They leave their room a mess.  They’ll also spend all day on their phones/electronics.  Something like a third of all 13 year olds dream of becoming social media influencers.   Are you going to respect the average 13 year old’s preferences on those issues?

Finally, the average 13 year old lacks the life experience to appreciate the meaning of family and thinks their parents are the uncoolest people on the planet.  Heck, understanding your parents and the meaning of family is a lifelong journey that I feel I’m finally getting a good grasp on.   Why would you weight a 13 year olds preference on *your presence* at a sporting event unless you didn’t really want to go I t eh first place and needed convenient cover?[/quote]

You clearly are a parent that your kid resents in the stands.  You are going through so many mental gymnastics in order to beat down your kid that you are right no matter what.

The idea that  having your kid do their homework or play less video games is the same as to whether they know you are a jerk at games and make them feel like crap after they play is such a false equivalence.

Kids with decent parents don’t actively resist their parents attending just because they are 13…sorry, they resist because the parent isn’t a helpful presence.[/quote]

Try again.  I’m not in the stands. I’m on the bench with a clipboard and in practice with a whistle around my neck. And I’m giving you the perspective of someone that works with young people in a popular sport not to win, but to build young people into upstanding young men (and sometimes young women).

My own children always begged me to coach their rec league teams and were disappointed in years when I explained it was better for them to get diversity of coaching and learn to play for others.

I tell you this because I see your sons when you don’t. I hear them chatting when you can’t hear what they say.

You have hit a sliver of truth: if the choice is between a parent making an ass of themselves and not being there, your son will choose absence of the parent every time. But if the choice is between (a) parent being there on good behavior, (b) parent being there on bad behavior, and (c) parent not being there. 95% of your sons will choose (a) and they’ll never admit it to you or their friends. [/quote]

We are agreeing...although for (a), it's be there a bunch, but no...you don't have to be there 100% of the time.

Neither my kid or his friends have a problem "admitting it to his friends".  This isn't something embarrassing.  I am confused by that comment.

I coached for many years myself...you can't now claim you didn't hear some of your players wishing their parents weren't there, right?  I never heard any player mentioning a parent that attended games and behaved, and no player ever mentioned a parent who attended 50% of their games and was just so upset it wasn't 100%.

Yes, for the kid where it is 0%...that was tough.

There is just a ton of flexibility and understanding between 0% and 100%.[/quote]

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