Reply to Dealing w/aftermath of unfaithful husband and family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My family member went through a very ugly divorce with very young kids. As long as you prioritize their well-being and don't allow them to see you personal issues w/ each other, they won't be as emotionally-damaged as if you wait until they're older and understand sex/relationships/betrayal and can see the hate you have for one another.[/quote]

No.  I divorced with kids very young (18 mo. and 5 y) due to my serially cheating husband.  Do I regret it? Absolutely not.  The alternative of staying together was way worse.  But, let's not kid ourselves - the kids were damaged by his behavior after divorce which was a reflection of his character as a cheater - lies, lack of empathy, inability to put them first before his own needs, etc.

I certainly prioritized their well-being and made nice with him, trying to support his relationship with them, but even that was damaging, because we were all pretending his continued abusive ways should be accepted in order to have the appearance of a good dad.

Now tat the kids are over 18, none of have to pretend anymore. There is no schedule of forced visits. We are polite to him. The kids are able to see him when they want but also to say no to his antics. [/quote]

I'm so sorry you went through all of that.

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