Reply to Michelle Singletary - WAPO finance expert has three failure to launch kids in their 20's living at home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, it seems like a reasonable and responsible set-up.  Taking what she says at face value, they contribute to the household and are saving.   I assume she lives in the DC area - rents are ridiculously high.

[b]I find this set up a whole lot less off-putting than parents helping their adult MC kids with a down payment [/b]or daycare expenses. [/quote]

That's interesting because I think this is the less-rich version of the same idea.  DH lived with his dad for 6 months and took the train in to work every day from the outer burbs to save up his down payment.  His dad wanted to help him out, but also didn't have tens of thousands to give him for the down payment.  If he were a richer supportive dad, he would have probably written a check, and if he were unsupportive he wouldn't have opened his home to him.

Same with daycare expenses - I know lots of lower-income families where grandma watches the kid/kids for free, a *lot*.  They can't afford to subsidize a nanny, but they know how hard it is on their kids and help how they can.[/quote]

PP here.  Agreed.  I should have clarified that I meant in the case of 30-something adults wanting to live in a nicer home than they could afford or so they could have more fun money - effectively skipping over a starter home or budgeting when starting out.  I realize it might seem silly to have to go thru that if your parents are willing to subsidize you, and I can’t put my finger on why I think it’s off-putting in a way adult children still living at home isn’t.

And I agree that it’s a lower-income version of this.

I came back to say, this is how families without intergenerational wealth start generating intergenerational wealth.

I wonder how many of the posters who are sneering at it had parents who helped set them up for adulthood in other ways (no/low student loans, generous annual gifts, covering cell phones and insurance etc -  all of which I had, so no shade). [/quote]

The 30 somethings having parents help is most likely "more off putting" because you are jealous and wished that you could have someone help.  For many families, why would we make our kids and grandkids "struggle" if we can easily help out.  Why do you need the starter home and live in it for 5-7 years, when you can start in a better home (not talking luxury) that can be your 25+year home, with space for 2-3 kids, a guest room/office and with decent schools?  As long as the kids are not living extravagantly, why would a parent who can afford it not help with a $100-200K/downpayment so they can live in a somewhat nicer home? 
For us, our kids will get 10-15M each when we die.  So why not give them $200K for a home downpayment (or more) when they are ready to get into real estate? Let them live closer to their job and in a good school district so our grandkids (future in our case) have better things in life? 
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Maybe?  Although my husband and I did okay without parental help for a down payment and could have bought a more expensive house than we did with our own money?

I don’t think it’s jealously really - it’s more the smugness that some of these “kids” have about being better parents because they live in a better school pyramid and don’t have their kids going to school with kids who live in townhomes and apartments…which I admit is my own issue that it bugs me.  I’m working on it!

It would be like me being smug about my financial situation without acknowledging that a large part of the reason I’m doing well is I don’t have any student loans thanks to my parents (undergrad) and merit scholarships (grad school). [/quote]

That's different---you want people to acknowledge the "privileges" they have over the years.  
We raised our kids better than for them to be smug.  They are still very down to earth, extremely frugal and appreciative of everything they get.  The one out of college is also fully adulting on their own.  They can afford their own 1 bedroom, all expenses, and to save some for retirement. However, they appreciate the "gifts" they have received.  Such as fully paid for college education, the Roth IRA match since they first had income (we gift them the full amount so they max the ira and can keep the rest to invest otherwise).  However, that kid is still really frugal, hardly spends $$ and loves to save/invest.  They know they have the privilege to invest more for retirement and that they got their first car given to them (hey it was 10 yo but only 60 K on it so will last awhile).  So they are fully adulting and living within their means.   They recognize their privilege and know they will never struggle like many do.  But that doesn't mean they are not full adults.

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