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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]None of you will say how you enforce no back talk, no disrespect etc. Maybe we could just have a raise of hands of who hasn’t raised a hand?[/quote]

My daughter is almost 14. I have never raised my hand to her, and don't plan to now. My mom says that I have A LOT of patience, because especially as a young child, she was extremely difficult. I tolerate a lot of venting and angst, and am not in the least bit concerned about the use of "language". But she knows that directing said language at people is not okay. I am not entirely sure how we got here, to be honest. I have always treated her as her own person, with opinions and feelings that are just as valid as ours. As much as possible, we talk through areas of conflict. A lot of times, I let her make mistakes, because I've found that she will generally come around to my point of view. Because of that, she actually pays more attention to me when we are in disagreement, and more likely to take my council.

I have always emphasized to her that we are a safe space, she can talk about anything, the consequences for coming clean are going to be better than if we found out (especially that she lied), her safety/health/well-being are the most important things to us. I won't claim to be perfect; I have lost it with her. I apologize, promise to do better, and follow through. All of the above have been MUCH more difficult for DH, who has an authoritarian streak in him. As a consequence, DD is much closer to me than she is to him. He is starting to do better though; I am hopeful that they will develop a decent relationship over time.[/quote]

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