Reply to I hate “guy trips”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school. [/quote]

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.[/quote]

Do you know what “default parent” means?[/quote]

DP it’s a phrase invented by disgruntled women who overestimate their role in their children’s life and are dismissive of the role their partners play, usually a circumstance that is self-inflicted by excessive hectoring, criticism, and micromanagement.[/quote]

Tell me you’re a lazy parent without telling me you’re a lazy parent. [/quote]

More original thinking from the “default parent” cliche user. Prattling on about laziness, ironically enough. [/quote]

from the OP it seems the DH works 60-80 hours per week including nights and weekends. I would also assume his busy schedule does not allow for him to cover sick days or school closures but OP can correct me if wrong. There are 168 hours in a week. 80 means he is working 50% of the available hours of the week. 6 hours of sleep means 42 hours. An hour to get ready and commute in the morning plus min 30 commute home= 7.5 hours minimum, if he is not commuting into work on weekends. So just with working, sleeping minimum suggested amount, and commuting he takes 130 hours per week leaving 38 hours spread over 7 days is 5.5 hours to eat, workout, spend time with your family/spouse, run errands, cook dinners, etc.

On working hours alone, OP has 40 more hours per week to dedicate to her family and home. So yes she is the default parent, default cleaner, default sports driver, default grocery shopper, default sick day coverer.

as far as salary goes, OP DH better be making 2x the amount of money minimum. [/quote]

Op - yes you pretty much have it spot on.

And yes he makes about 3.5-4 times what I make. [/quote]

ergo after these trips, the 5 hours per day after a trip that he "normally" (and honestly with this type of guy i assume he also works out or has regular golf saturdays or needs his "relax" time after his stressful job so lets be real about how much time he consistently spends on you, your kids, or your household but i could be wrong) dedicate to you and family life goes to work. which means you get the original trip time amount of days with no help plus however long it takes him to catch up on work and then since you do so great at holding down the fort, he assumes everything is good and he continues having all of his free time be for him and his needs. then things come to a head and he promises to help out more and thats about a month or two before his next guys trip where it all falls apart.
rinse repeat.

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