Reply to I hate “guy trips”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a lot of you guys are missing that he’s also getting behind at work from these trips. My husband works a ton and works most weekends. Even 4 days visiting family he has to work or he’s stressed out and annoying for a week or more after. If he was gone drinking for 4 days and came back complaining about all the work he was behind on I would find that very annoying. I 100 percent believe that he’s unhelpful and difficult to be around for quite a few days after.

I think he’s entitled to see his friends but he’s not entitled to minimize how it affects you. I don’t have concrete suggestions about what to do (although I personally would just rather have my house in a hotel for an extra day rather than listening to any complaining - I actually encourage my husband to do similar things when he’s traveling for work) but I understand, OP. I feel these situations really emphasize to me how tightly stretched we are all the time and I wish my husband would agree and be open to making changes. But when you handle all the fall out (which I would rather do than make my kids handle it because when my husband is stressed he yells more than I’m ok with) and they refuse to change it’s very hard. [/quote]

OP - I feel heard and seen with this post.  This is exactly the problem with my DH.  He too works 60-80 hours a week, including the weekends. When he takes time away its always a HUGE problem.  He took a few calls while we was gone on his trip but obviously did not work his normal hours while gone. [/quote]

If it makes you feel better OP, my husband works that much and needs rest just as much as anyone else in that position, and he would never do what your husband is doing. He wouldn’t get that intoxicated, he wouldn’t get so behind at work, and if I needed help he would help, even if he felt awful. Your feelings are totally valid.

I have noticed that in disagreements with my husband, the worst thing I can do is complain and compare our situations, even if it’s obviously unfair. That just makes him think about everything in his life that isn’t good and puts him on the defensive. I just calmly tell him what I need him to do without  trying to convince him that it’s reasonable or criticizing his actions. This works much better if I’m asking him to do something rather than asking him to not do something. He can figure out on his own what he needs to stop doing in order to be able to do the things I want him to do. I bet your husband loves you very much and wants you to be happy, and will be willing to do more for you than you think if you approach it the right way. [/quote]

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